Check List: Proceedings of Divorce

Choosing to get divorced is never an easy decision to make, but one comforting thing is that the steps to be followed have been simplified. Make sure to follow the proceedings and to get divorce legal advice in order to avoid complications and unnecessary costs.

A. Divorce by mutual consent

- Contact a lawyer or go for DIY divorce;
- Prepare the divorce agreement;
- Transmit the divorce petition lodged at the High Court;
- Get the call from the family court judge; and
- Proceed to the call .

Note: If the judge rejects the agreement, establishing a new one and showing it can be done within 6 months;

- Recover the modified marriage certificates and birth upon acceptance of the agreement by the judge.

B. Divorce by acceptance of the principle of marriage breakdown,
     divorce as a final break of the marriage bond,  or fault divorce

- Contact a lawyer;
- The divorce petition has to be filed by the lawyer;
- Receive a call from the family court judge to present yourself to the conciliation hearing;
- Proceed to the conciliation hearing. If there is no reconciliation, file a joint petition or an individual
   assignment;
- Receive a call from the family court judge to present yourself to the trial hearing;
- Proceed to the trial proceedings; and
- After the trial, recover the modified marriage and birthcertificates.

Note : Try to focus on the formula of divorce by mutual consent because it is much faster and cheaper and you do not want to waste a lot of time and money on this procedure.

Advice for Parents after Separation

Whatever the context, divorce remains a real upheaval in the lives of children, whatever their age. How can you protect your child after separation? This is the advice given to parents by Dr. Paul Bensussan.

What are the solutions or advice for parents after separation?

When it comes to divorce advice for men and women, Dr. Paul Bensussan says: In 'amicable' separations, arrangements for child care are the result of consultation between the parents, which may help alleviate the child’s distress. It is not the same at high conflict separations, in which there is conflict over the exercise of custody or visitation rights. It is therefore important to alleviate the child's fearful climate surrounding transitions.

The 'blues' on Sunday evening that even adults can feel is tenfold increased when the transition from one parent to another takes place in a hostile climate.  There may be  stony silence or an explosion of complaints such as delays due to traffic; cleanliness of the child; securing business class; or forgotten homework. In these cases, I gladly recommend more neutral transitions such as deploying the nanny or nursery, if the child does not attend school. It is much easier for the child than for the parent, to say goodbye at the gate of the school on a Monday morning ('mom it will get you tonight'), but this implies the willingness of both parents if the judge ordered the custodial parent's return home on Sunday evening. One is always free to dispense the rigid frame of the decision.  Moreover, as the children are older college students, transfers at transportation hubs makes life even easier.

During the weekends or holidays, we must also think about promoting contact - phone calls, sending postcards - between the child and the other parent. It is especially important that the child can censor the expression of a lack of fear of hurting the parent with whom they are. Telephone appointments can be determined in order to avoid the permanent telephone intrusion, quickly perceived as harassment. Then, the child wins: they know that this call is intended.

What are the solutions or advice for parents after separation? 

Finally, there are some things parents cannot find out when they go looking for legal divorce advice. We must resist the temptation to turn the child into a 'reporter' or a 'detective' by asking the least possible information about what is happening 'with the other'. Too many parents make these little mistakes which are a kind of dishonesty towards their children.

Remember the advice for a separate charge. Here is a list of tips and / or mistakes not to commit:

- Never forget that this child belongs to both of you;
- Never ask who they love more;
- Help them keep in touch with their other parent, too;
- Do not treat them as messengers;
- Let them see the other parent, too;
- Do not plan anything for the other parent’s time with the child;
- Do not treat the child like some sort of object;
- Do not fight when they are present;
- Do not say stuff they can’t see;
- Let them bring friends over;
- Agree on how they can spend money;
- Just make sure the child is happy;
- Don’t change their life too much; and
- Treat their grandparents nicely.

Although they may sometimes appear as angelic or utopian in a tense environment, this advice must be provided: everyone can measure the number of small faults such as clumsiness or others that may result from a children's sensitivity.  These can truly be attributed to the ordeal of separation.

Prepare the Children for a New Partner

The first introduction of a new partner in your family requires a lot of sensitivity. Children often react with anger, jealousy or fear especially if they hope for a reconciliation of their parents. Tell them whether the relationship is likely to be temporary or a long-term one.

In the former case, it is less likely that an (older) child reacts with jealousy.  They have loyalty conflicts and may try to sabotage the new relationship. As for smaller children, the risk that they develop ties to a new partner very quickly crashes a whole range of short-term conditions of the relationship.  You should not confront them with each new friend immediately. Mowatt (1987) also made a few statements with respect to short-term sexual relationships. "Children aged four and below usually accept everything as natural, what their parents may do for children of school age. However, parents with strict moral principles may be surprised by the extent of their knowledge and may have false information about sex". You should think about your role model, but also about the sexual education of your children, this being part of the divorce advice for men and women available to all those facing this problem.

In a longer term relationship, you should address your children’s fear of losing contact with the other parent. Reassure them that they are allowed to visit the other parent as often as before. Tell them that the new partner will have no education functions, at least for now. Also, remember that children often feel threatened by the new partner. Your children need a lot of understanding and a lot of time in this situation, although you usually want to be together with your new partner right now, which is natural.

How can I help my kids with their problems?

Often you are only aware of your children’s problems in this stage. You may have been so preoccupied with yourselves and with adapting to the separation that you ignored or overlooked the psychological conflicts and behavior problems of your children.

In general, you should see the symptoms presented by your children as adaptive responses. The child’s behavior is a response to four stress factors:

(a) dysfunctional family relationships before the divorce,
(b) dysfunctional family relationships after the divorce;
(c) the child’s psychopathology before the divorce; and
(d) their individual reaction to the divorce.

The symptoms are just like a cry for help, expressing the children’s sorrow and anger.

If there are serious problems, you can opt for child guidance or child and adolescent psychotherapist attention. The consultant recurs to treating the child with all the usual forms of counseling and therapeutic approaches in use. They might play in therapy, for example, if the child in question is very young. They will often include measures to improve the parent-child relationship and your parenting. An older child can be treated individually, in a group and / or together with their parents. The latter case often has a particularly strong therapeutic effect especially if the young person's feelings and their psychic conflicts can be expressed and discussed properly.

Regardless of whether your child has developed behavioral problems and mental disorders or not, an advisor should help them in adapting to the situation. For example, they can help them to accept the finality of their parents’ divorce. They prove that any reconciliation fantasies, which can persist for years after the divorce and even after the remarriage of a parent, are unrealistic and that they should abandon their hopes (such as a friendly interaction between their parents) for reconciliation.

Sometimes, the consultant seeing an older child or a young person may also reach the conclusion that most of their problems would disappear if they could live with the other parent. They clarify the motives behind this desire (such as the desire to undo the reduced contact with the noncustodial parent).Occasionally, however, the consultant may also suggest that the parents approve the child’s request for a trial period. They can even determine if their expectations can be met or not.

If the causes of your child's psychic conflicts and behavior problems that they are suffering are still embroiled in disputes with your ex-partner or your child acts as if they had false major problems, the consultant may also only work with you. The consultant helps you to solve your problems, teaches you the finality of the divorce and improves your parenting, providing all the divorce advice for women and men you need. This way, they can indirectly help your children more. They also invite your divorced partner to the meetings or call them to talk to them about the child’s difficulties. Generally, it is best if both parents cooperate with regard to the child’s education and when it comes to dealing with their behavioral problems.

Financial Advice Related to Divorce

Financial implications of the liquidation of the matrimony

Divorce entails the liquidation of the matrimonial regime. What are the consequences of liquidation on most financial products  that may be the spouse’s heritage? These can include: PEP, PEA, PEL, and life insurance. How do the spouses have return their taxes? What are the consequences of divorce on retirement?

A) The liquidation of the matrimonial property

Some rules specific to divorce may be valid for both DIY divorce and with the regular one.

As for death, divorce entails the liquidation and division of the community. The liquidation will follow the rules of the matrimonial regime initially chosen by the spouses. Thus, the personal property considered by the matrimonial regime attributable to each of the spouses and undivided or joint property is divided between them.

However, the law stipulates that donations can be revoked in respect of the guilty spouse when the divorce is granted for misconduct or in respect of those who filed for divorce in divorce cases because of a breach in their common life.

The same applies to matrimonial benefits: clauses in marriage contracts often specify that the marital advantage is removed to the recipient spouse upon divorce. Some include these aspects with the divorce cost, while others think of them separately.

B) Divorce and Financial Implications

1.    The popular savings plan (PEP)

This investment is for long-term savings and it may take the form of a deposit account (PEP bank) or a contract of insurance (PIP insurance).

There can only be one PEP per taxpayer and one for each spouse subject to joint taxation. Furthermore, the initiation of PEP as a joint account is not possible. PEP can be closed at any time (especially in case of withdrawal earlier than 10 years) or following the death of the owner of the plan... but the divorce does not cause the closure of the plan.

2.    The stock savings plan (PEA)

The PEA allows you to build a portfolio of shares qualifying for tax exemption on capital gains. A single plan can be opened by the taxpayer or one for each spouse subject to joint taxation. As for PIP, opening a joint account is impossible.

The plan may be closed in case of withdrawal before the age of 8 or when the holder dies ... but the Divorce is not part of the causes of a mandatory closure plan.

3.    The savings scheme (PEL) and savings accounts (CEL)

These two investments allow an investor to obtain loans at favorable rates in certain situations. A person can hold one and only one CEL ELP.

Again, divorce is not a question of closing the plan or the account.

4.    The life insurance contract

Life insurance is an investment intended for long-term savings. It enjoys a privileged tax regime. The consequences of taking out a life insurance contract during the marriage are more complex than for the previous products.

Take the case of a life insurance contract with joint funds, signed during the marriage. In case of divorce, the agreement is not unraveled, the surrender value of the life insurance policy must be integrated into community assets. Indeed, the community has been "impoverished" by paying the premiums of the insurance contract.

By cons, if the sums paid by the purchaser on the contract were personal to them (if they can prove that it is not the community that has paid premiums), then there will be no need to reinstate the value of redemption in community assets.

Writing the beneficiary clause of a life insurance contract:

A divorce can affect the designation of the beneficiary of a contract. If the beneficiary clause of the life insurance contract refers to "spouse", only the person having this status at the end of the contract will be a beneficiary. Thus, the ex-spouse is no longer beneficiary if they got divorced.

If the clause refers to "my spouse, Mrs. XXX" and if the couple divorce, the benefit of the contract will not go to Mrs. XXX because she has no such capacity at the time of finalizing the contract. Finally, if the clause naming "Mr. (or Ms.) XXX", then this is Mr. (or Ms.) XXX is the beneficiary of the contract, regardless of whether there has been a divorce or not.

It is therefore advisable to change the beneficiary clause after the divorce if the contractor wishes to change the beneficiary.

Note: It is essential for divorcing spouses to declare their insurance contract.

5.    Using the life insurance policy after a divorce

Divorce involves various financial consequences. Most of the times, for example, one spouse must pay the other spouse a compensatory allowance or support (The support is intended to cover the food needs of one spouse and the duty of support between spouses is maintained by the payment of the pension. The compensatory allowance is intended to compensate the disparity that the breakdown of marriage creates in each spouse’s life.

The compensatory allowance paid by one spouse is now the subject of a lump sum (or spread over 8 years). The use of a life insurance contract may be appropriate for the debtor-spouse, who cannot pay off their debt immediately. Taking out a life insurance contract guaranteeing the payment of capital may be considered. The judge may also impose a guarantee of payment through the life insurance contract.

On the other hand, the debt burden is transmissible to the debtor’s heirs. As a precaution, they may sign a contract to cover the heirs in case they die. The latter would then have the capital necessary to pay the debt.

6.    Joint accounts

Joint accounts are essentially community property. They are divided at the end of the divorce.

7.    Availability of savings schemes: participation and ownership plan

The amounts paid by the company to employees generally cannot be checked after a specified period of time. There are exceptions and divorce is one of these events which allow you to recover your rights.

C) Effect on tax return

1.    Declaration of Income Tax

When spouses are divorced and they live separately, they must make a separate declaration during the year with the divorce. Practically, during this year, the tax is as follows:

-    A first joint declaration is made for the period between 1st January and the date of separation.
-    Each former spouse makes a separate statement for the period between the date of separation and 31st December of that year.

The following year, both spouses make their own statement.

2.    Declaration of solidarity tax on wealth

When a divorce occurs, each spouse is subject to the ISF and must personally make a separate levy, if permitted by the court to live apart. Then, each of the two makes a statement referring to their own property rights and taxable values, as well as those of younger children. The administration admits that when divorced parents of minor children have the legal administration together, the children's assets are to be divided equally between the two homes.

D) Implications for the reversion of the pension

1.    For the general scheme of Social Security, the pension is granted
in certain conditions. You must be at least 55 years old, married for at least two years or to have had a child born in wedlock and you also have to have certain resources.

The survivor's pension is equal to 54% of the deceased person's pension.

The divorced spouse who has not remarried is considered the surviving spouse. If they meet the other conditions, they will be entitled to a widow's pension.

When the insured person was divorced and remarried, the pension is shared between spouses of the deceased, in proportion to the duration of each marriage. Upon the death of a beneficiary of the pension reversion, the share of the other beneficiaries increases.

2.    As for the supplementary pension schemes, the conditions for a widow's pension are the following: the spouse has to be a widow or divorced and must have the age of 60 (or 55, but then the reversion rate will be reduced). The survivor then gets up to 60% of the deceased's pension.

Former spouses are treated as divorced surviving spouses if not remarried. If there is a surviving spouse and several ex-spouses, everyone is entitled to a portion of the survivor's pension in proportion to the length of the marriage. Deleting a payment of reversion has no effect on the amount of the other payments.

Children and Divorce

Parents who are divorcing are often concerned about the effect the divorce on their children. Under these circumstances, parents are primarily concerned with their own problems, but they also should be aware that both parents are the most important persons their children's lives.

Parents can be devastated or relieved by the divorce, but children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to personal safety.  It is very important to think about divorce and children at the same time.

Some parents feel so hurt and overwhelmed by the divorce that they cannot help and provide comfort for their children. Usually, children cannot understand the divorce and parents should explain what is happening; how it affects them; and what their fate will be once the divorce is completed. However, getting into details about divorce law is not necessary since the proceedings are too complicate for the little ones to understand.

Children may believe they are the cause of the conflicts between their parents. Many children think they are responsible for the separation and often sacrifice themselves in the process. The traumatic loss of one or both parents due to the divorce may make them vulnerable to physical and mental illness.

Parents should be aware of the signs of persistent stress which may appear with their children. These signs may include lack of interest in school, friends or even entertainment. Other signs include: sleeping too little; sleeping too much; being rebellious; and being argumentative with the family.

Children must know that their mom and dad will remain their parents even if the marriage ends and their parents do not live together anymore. The protracted dispute over the custody of the children or pressuring the children can be very harmful to them and may increase the damage that divorce causes them.

The continuation of the parental obligation for the welfare of children is vital. If the child presents signs of stress, the parents should consult their family doctor or pediatrician for a referral to a child and an adolescent psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist will evaluate and provide treatment for the child to alleviate the causes of stress. In addition, the psychiatrist may advise the parents on how to minimize the problems caused by a divorce in the family.