"Approximately 35% of couples separate within the first five years of retirement, "says Marie-Paule Dessaint, Life Coach who leads workshops to prepare for retirement. It's huge and people are separated too quickly because they think their problems will persist."
However, life together is a process that is not static, says Sheryl Gaudet, a social worker and psychotherapist. "The relationship evolves over time. Situations change and people change, too. You have children, you change your job, you move. Retirement is one of the biggest changes in one’s life. This is when we rediscover ourselves and our spouse”.
The preparation
"When we find ourselves together every day, the thing that annoys us and our partner will tend to annoy us more,” Sheryl Gaudet says. “The pace of change can revitalize the relationship or cause problems that we had not even anticipated. Therefore, avoid the mistake of not talking about it before retirement. They should discuss their expectations, what each one hopes to be able to change together with their partner. "
Sources of conflict
The sources of conflict during retirement differ from one couple to another. But we must first know that the two partners rarely take their pension at the same time. "It's often the one who was already retired who experiences problems when the other one retires because it changes the dynamics," says Sheryl Gaudet.
For women who have spent their lives at home, the sudden and constant presence of a spouse can be difficult to bear. "I have recently reported the story of a woman who, every morning, sent her husband out with his lunch box and told him to go away for the day," says Marie-Paule Dessaint.
Housewives find it difficult to have their spouses with them all day and working women are afraid of being in the service of their spouse. "There is that saying that retirement is much easier for women than for men, says Ms. Dessaint. Whether they work or not, they still top the desire to be good at home decorating and often lack the time to do it. "Their work in retirement is often an extension of the role that they had previously.
Tips for Retirees
Past the first phase of euphoria and disillusionment, it is possible to find a balance so that your married life in retirement is not a nightmare. “You have to ask personal questions," says Sheryl Gaudet. What did I defer because I never had time to do it? Do I have a talent that I could explore? What have I always wanted to do?"
According to Marie-Paule Dessaint, couples who matter most are the ones that have joint projects. "This is not necessarily great," she said. But it is essential to have projects which we can speak of as common activities, but projects that are not everyday tasks like cleaning and washing. "
It is equally important to do things alone or have a place to be alone. "Many people buy a shed or build a garage in anticipation of retirement, says Marie-Paule Dessaint.
"Everyone needs to keep a territory, Sheryl Gaudet insists. This may be a particular room or office. And we must find ways to keep time in itself. "
Make no mistake: Retirement requires a minimum of preparation and adjustment of either side. "We must remove their rose-colored glasses and be realistic," says Marie-Paule Dessaint. The fewer illusions one has about retirement, the more we succeed. It must prepare them to talk and not have too many expectations. "
Did you know
"Approximately 35% of couples separate within the first five years of retirement. People are separated too quickly because they think their problems will persist.
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