The Evolution of the Couple: Jealousy

Jealousy is a destructive feeling in the couple. It is important to distinguish the difference between natural and sick jealous.

Although jealousy is common to talk about, it is still a taboo subject. We encourage you to think about it and work with your partner to solve this problem.

Many of the facts and arguments presented below explain the difference between normal jealousy and morbid jealousy. Find out which it is that you and partner experience and work on it!

Jealousy is an intense feeling that arises when you experience an excessive desire to possess a loved one, friend or children exclusively."

According to many experts, jealous people have a distorted, wrong thinking, because although they love someone, they can never possess them because it is not a matter of private property since we are talking about people.

Fear of losing the other person

It has always been said that jealousy is due to a person’s emotional insecurity. However, this is not true in most cases. Jealousy is almost always normal and not pathological, because it is the result of a third real factor that disturbs the balance of the relationship.

Normal jealousy is justified because we are invaded by a feeling of discomfort that your partner expresses, an exaggerated attraction felt by someone else other than us. Jealousy is a real fear of losing a partner and our response to perceiving some danger in our relationship. Our life together gives us many satisfactions and it is natural to feel dominated by the rage at the thought of losing this valuable relationship and how to divorce or break up.

- An example: when your partner confesses that he felt attracted to someone you just met and began to reel off about why he is attracted to you: "... beautiful home, has lovely eyes, is very intelligent ... talks well ... seems very sensible ...". It is good that our partner tells us what he thinks of others, his thoughts, emotions and it must be clear that we can generate a jealous reaction (it is normal since we think we can lose that person), because at that time we proceed as follows: Thoughts: I like this person more than myself, he no longer finds me attractive, he can fall in love with her, he appreciates her more than me ....; and then a transient feeling of anxiety begins to take over ... which is anchored in the moment and doesn’t go away. That may be a "normal" reaction and that would be further standardized by speaking with your partner and sharing feelings about the issue that has occurred. That is a good antidote and, if handled well, it can lead to a reaffirmation of the couple.

A harmful exaltation

On the other hand, the jealousy is pathological when the threat is only imagined and invented by this third factor. The problem is when the intensity of the anger and jealousy exceeds the normal limits, because these attacks of rage and pain erode the relationship and make it feel like hell, creating a shadow over love. Jealousy can lead to domestic violence and crimes of passion.

The problem is that the person feels a pathological jealousy towards all the members of their family and sees their partner as a possession. They believe their body and feelings belong to them. When a person is jealous, it is because they see their partner as something that belongs to them. Jealousy can arise because we fail to see our partner as a subject and begin to see them as an object we possess. Jealousy and infidelity are not characteristic of human beings, but are learned behaviors.

A person jealous 'beyond measure' is ...

- someone who relates to the other with difficulty;
- someone who has difficulties assessing their personal values and who only succeeds in assessing the other’s;
- someone who depends on the other emotionally;
- someone who has difficulty growing emotionally; and
- someone who has difficulty building a relationship based on acceptance and trust.

If you see your partner experiences exaggerated and morbid jealousy, do not be fooled, do not think that's their expression of intense love for you, do not accept it as something tolerable or normal, because it will eventually destroy your relationship.

You walk with care

The man or woman will begin to distrust you and the jealousy will go away, until there is no communication and no dialogue. Jealousy may reach such a degree that it prohibits or prevents you from doing certain things, from talking to others and you may be monitored because the other thinks you are cheating on them. Use strategies that are not openly prohibitive, but they will make you feel bad if you do - emotional blackmail, anger, fights...

In many cases, morbid jealousy leads to continued physical and psychological violence, and even to one partner killing the other. The attacks of jealousy are the most common cause of spousal homicides and a determining factor in nearly 20% of all violent attacks in developed countries. Specialists in this area claim that jealousy is a predecessor state of psychosis and it can become delirious, as well as disturb one’s sense of reality.

Four types of jealous behavior:

Jealousy manifests: This is when, for example, your partner is suspicious of your loyalty and asks you about your co-workers, when they cannot stand you being near your friends or when you look to someone other than them. Also, they suspect you when you don’t answer their questions. If you respond, you get into a spiral that never solves the problem, but increases it for the future ...

Hidden jealousy: It is when, for example, when you have jealous and hostile attitudes, such as criticizing or nagging your partner, who is a man or woman highly respected in their profession, and you feel you get more power over him / her and that they are superior to you in some way. It is very often encountered in relationships that are based on certain equality.

Exaggerated jealousy: It is when there has been no infidelity, the couple was not emotionally close to another person, i.e. there is no apparent reason. (There may be actual or apparent reasons).

Pathological jealousy: It's when you get to prosecute or even to watch the couple.

Restore the reporting of the couple:

- If you are a victim of your partner’s irrational jealousy, you should not consent to their emotional blackmail
  or give in to requests which restrict your freedom or allow violent or aggressive behavior on their part; and
- If you're the jealous one and you want to overcome this problem, follow these tips from the experts:

1. The only thing you can do to end this situation is the psychologist or rupture. No doubt about it. How many times has the jealous one said that it was the last time, that they wouldn’t do it again? Have you never distrusted your partner so much that you were absurd?

2. Analyze at what times and in what situations you act jealous or think of what you would feel and what you would do in a particular situation. The thoughts come into your head automatically and we have described an example before. Describe (if necessary and record on paper then talk to your partner or to a professional) what you feel at the moment (anger, resentment, aggression, revenge ... like breaking the relationship...). Then, describe your behavior in that situation. (investigation, complaint, punching)

3. Talk to your partner and tell them what you feel and that you know that you are not acting with maturity and try to change something. Ask them to help you clearly see what is happening. Maybe your jealousy is related to your partner’s behavior and you have a real basis for your behavior (make an analysis of what happens in moments of maximum tension, but not quietly), but, more likely, it is just your imagination. If your partner talks to you about having this behavior or if it is true that there is another person in their life and they freely decide to tell you, talk with them because then, the problem is another.

4. Think that if your partner is with you, it is because they want to, so you do not have to compare yourself with anybody or compete with anyone. They think that jealousy destroys your relationship and separates you, so you should focus your energy in such a way that you find a solution for that not to happen and for you to control yourself.

5. Please be aware that the possession of the loved one is wrong in your relationship, you have to accept that your partner should be able to be alone or with others.

6. Jealousy also reflects an excessive dependency on the beloved one. Avoid this bond as a couple, allow them to continue interacting with others, pay off their interest in different people they know, let them carry out several activities on their own and open yourself to the opportunities that life is offering.

7. It works for your personal growth, your independence and your self-esteem, for example by developing activities that make you feel like home and comfortable, like writing, reading, dancing, going out with friends, playing sports, enrolling in courses, etc..

The measure provided by a competent professional psychologist 

If jealousy is accompanied by violent behavior at home or at the office, come to a psychologist urgently and let them teach you how to control your jealousy. Although the jealous say that they will change, it is best to do so with the help of an appropriate professional. If you are a victim of your partner’s violent attitude, go to a help center immediately. Do not give them any other chance to manifest themselves because your life can be in danger.

It is important that you let yourself into the hands of a professional before the problem increases, because jealousy tends to grow if you continue to feed it. It can cause many problems and we may be forced to go through divorce mediation, in court and the rest of the nasty aspects of a divorce, but if we learn to have emotional control, we can replace it with more appropriate feelings and change our beliefs, attitudes and norms.

Autumnal Depression: Seasonal Affective Disorders

The arrival of autumn and the falling leaves of the trees bring dull emotions and a condition known as "fall depression.” This disorder affects 30% of the American population, mainly women between 20 and 45 years old, although the numbers are increasing in countries with less hours of sunlight during the winter. Thus, in areas close to Ecuador 1.5% of the population is affected and in Canada, 10% of people suffer from this kind of depression.

Although the return to work or school is always a moral slump for almost everyone, as they end the pleasures of leisure holiday, many people join this decay completely normal, other symptoms being caused by the change of seasons.

The seasonal change is the cause of a very sad autumn state which is described as autumnal depression or, in the terminology of other experts, seasonal affective syndrome. The changes in vital rates resulting from the reduction of hours of daylight and the arrival of the cold are the origins of this psychological disorder.

Symptoms

The most common symptoms are often the lack of motivation, the feeling of sadness and reduction of the usual energy. These symptoms are not alarming and they disappear as the body adapts to the new seasonal situation. One suffering from this syndrome may have concentration problems, sleep disturbances, irritability, eating disorders, decreased libido and some other symptoms.

However, none of these changes come to cause clinically significant distress or any kind of impairment as fall depression is not considered a mental disease. It is considered temporary. If your persistence increases beyond 2-3 months, we can be talking about an affective disorder that requires professional help from a psychologist.

Causes: Why does it show up?

The cause lies in us and our bodies. Depending on the existing sunlight, the brain sends commands to some hormones, especially the melatonin, which is responsible for regulating sleep, body temperature or feeling hungry. Melatonin production is greater with reduced daylight hours, but the amount of serotonin produced decreases, serotonin being another hormone that has to do with the mood.

There is evidence that high melatonin causes a reduction of serotonin. That would explain the downturn of mind that everyone is faced with in autumn. The problem may be aggravated if the patient is prone to depression, since the mere reduction of hours of sunshine will be the natural trigger of a new depressive process. There is evidence that people have a tendency to feel depressed and their lives and their environment tend to be worse at this time of year.

How to combat it

Behavior, and social networking outlets
Food: key

Low body temperature causes a high level of melatonin and many people with depression tend to eat too autumnal high-calorie foods. If we add the anxiety which generates sadness and self-motivation to this situation, we find cases of serious eating disorders (overweight, poor digestion, indigestion ...).

In other cases, a low mood causes loss of appetite in the patient, so that they cannot raise their already depleted energies. Key experts believe a good, healthy, orderly and balanced diet is the secret for overcoming this difficult autumnal period.

Iron, present in legumes, cereals, meat and vegetables, is a basic mineral that strengthens the body, so you should always eat foods that contain it, especially in autumn. Vitamins and minerals must be present in food and you should have good supplies of vegetables, fruits, grains and animal products. Vitamin C is also vital if you don’t want to fall into the typical colds.

The nuts, which can be found in a variety of forms in the market, are fundamental to a healthy increase of our energy reserves. We must not forget the proteins and carbohydrates, the best fuel for our body.

Also, do not forget to take a full breakfast the day before. It will help you renew your energy: orange juice (vitamin C), fruit (vitamins and minerals), cereals or toast (carbohydrates and minerals) and coffee with milk (coffee and milk will clearly provide you proteins and calcium).

Self-esteem: The Best Way to Appreciate Yourself

Self-esteem is the opinion we have about our own and it is based on all the thoughts, feelings, sensations and experiences about ourselves that we have gathered during our life. We might think we are smart or stupid, we might like it or not. Thousands of impressions, evaluations and experiences and meetings come together in a positive sense or, conversely, in an uncomfortable feeling of not being what we expect us to be.

In psychology, self-esteem or self-appreciation is the deep emotional view that individuals have of themselves and its causes go beyond their rationalization and their logic. The term is often confused with the colloquial impression about oneself, which actually refers to the ostensible attitude that an individual demonstrates about themselves to others and not the true emotional attitude or opinion that they have of themselves.

Self-esteem is based on the thoughts, feelings, sensations and experiences we have throughout our lives. The weaknesses of self-esteem affect our health, relationships and productivity, while its power strengthens our whole person, that is, our health, social adaptability and our productive capacities.

Why is it so important?

Self-concept and self-esteem play an important role in people's lives. The successes and failures, self satisfaction, psychological well-being and social relationships all bear its stamp. Having a positive self-concept and self-esteem is of paramount importance for personal, professional and social development. The self promotes a sense of identity, it is a framework which offers you the possibility to view the external reality and your own experiences, influence, performance, conditional expectations and motivation and contributes to your health and mental balance.

How does self-esteem work?

The concept of self-esteem develops gradually throughout life, beginning in childhood and going through various stages of increasing complexity. Each stage provides impressions, feelings and even complicated arguments about the self. The result is a widespread sense of worth or disability. Childhood assessments made by our parents and adults about our appearance, our performance, the evaluation made of our success or our image when we're younger by our friends reinforce self-esteem or pull us by the soils. One example is the comparison that is sometimes used by parents with children when around their peers to provide a "more positive" child model that is very far from improving the situation. In fact, it makes it worse because it generates a significant drop in self-esteem and rejection of the other person that they are compared with.

In general, positive experiences and fulfilling relationships help to increase self-esteem. Negative experiences and problematic relationships result in a decrease of self-esteem.

The importance of having high self-esteem

Feeling good about oneself helps you do the following:

- Enrich your life: Be happy with people around you is one thing that is highly appreciated. Being happy
  means you can find more friends. Feeling better about yourself and being more open helps you establish
  closer relations; and
- Accept the challenge: When you have high self-esteem, you will not be afraid to develop your skills. You
  want to take risks and try new things. If you do not test things, you cannot become mature.

Some common side effects of low self-esteem 

- Lack of confidence;
- Low performance;
- Distorted view of oneself and others; and
- An unhappy personal life

With high self-esteem you may

- Be the person you want to be;
- Enjoy more of the other;
- Give more of yourself to the world;
- Maintain confidence; and
- Stay tolerant.

How to think positively about yourself

Do your best to be your best friend. This means to give yourself to:

- Acceptance: Identify and accept your strengths and weaknesses.
- Help: Plan realistic goals.
- Time: Take time to be alone with your thoughts and feelings regularly. -> Learn to enjoy your own
  company.
-Credibility: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Do whatever makes you feel happy and satisfied.
-Mood: Take an attitude of "I can do this."
-Respect: Do not try to be someone else. Be proud of who you are.
-Appreciation: Reward yourself for your accomplishments, large and small. Remember that your experiences
  are uniquely yours. Enjoy!
-Love: Learning to love the person is so unique. You have to accept your successes and failures.

Questions and answers about self-esteem

- Is it easy to change self-esteem?
No. Because it means taking a deep look at yourself and then change the things you do not like. This takes time, but the results are worth the effort. If you have tried, but you have not made any progress, consider asking for help from a counselor.

-  Does high self-esteem ensure your success?

   No. But it ensures that you will feel good about yourself and the others. No matter what happens.

- Can I help others feel better about them?

   Yes. Have positive attitudes and you give the others courage and encourage them, too. Help them open
   up. Do not underestimate you or them. Be patient with their faults and weaknesses (everyone has them).

- Does high self-esteem mean selfishness?

  No, it doesn’t mean selfishness or snobbery. These are false feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.
  Having high self-esteem is appreciating your individuality, so that it can respond to others in a positive and
  productive way.

So ...

Learn how to think positive about yourself:

- Please appreciate your individuality;
- Help yourself to develop your talents and skills;
- Encourage yourself every time you need to;
- Believe in your own judgments; and
-  Like yourself.

Change this ----------------------> why

I cannot do anything right - I cannot light a bonfire
Nobody wants to be my friend -I can be friends with others
Sometimes I'm stupid - I know a lot about the subject
What will happen if nobody likes my project - I am very proud of my project
Do not worry so much about what people think of you. Instead, decide what you think of them!

The questions we ask when we meet new people “What will she think of me?”, "Will they like me? Do they think I'm stupid? Boring? These are the kinds of thoughts that make us nervous, we become helpless, shy or embarrassed. You can choose to change that way of thinking. Ask yourself: What do I think of them?", “Am I sympathetic to them? Are they interesting?”. This way, you have equal power and you feel no shame.

Keep being yourself

- Remember that you are already quite good as you are. You have to be happy and proud of who you are.
- Do not ever question your basic worth as human being
- Treat yourself like a worthwhile person
- Every human being is valuable, that includes you. Praise yourself enough, not only for what you do, but for 
  what you are and how you live your life.
- Do not blame yourself when things go wrong in life
- Do not accept any guilt that others try to throw on you, this includes adults. Remember, you are responsible
  for your behavior and your own feelings.
-You can expect to make mistakes
- Do not compare yourself with others
- A human being has the right to make mistakes, that includes you!

Continued comparisons are a hard habit to break. Our culture teaches us to continuously compare. Parents compare their children. School compares its students. But remember that you are different and special. Nobody in the world is exactly like you.

Exercise to improve self-esteem

- Make your list of happiness (a list of items to perform and that make you happier) and think about it (see
   the things you've already done), and do this every day, at the beginning and end of the day. This will help
   you collect and store good feelings and self-esteem.
- Write six good things to do for yourself, but only for yourself.
- Choose something to do just for fun. Then, do it whenever you can on successive days.
- Get a "gift" every day.
- Forgive yourself for something you did in the past.
- Do at least one thing that is good for your body every day.
- Do at least one thing that is good for your brain every day.
- Find an adult you can trust and with whom you can talk.
- Get out and walk, play on the swings, build, draw, make a clown, do not try to be perfect.
- Listen to your favorite song, play with the ball, do some sports.

We've all done things we wish we had not done. We've all hurt someone, but that does not have to make us feel sad, guilty or embarrassed. Use your mind to do mental puzzles or games. Read a good book.

When dealing with younger people, being male or female sometimes produces fear. An adult can help you face your fears. When you feel confused, an adult can answer some of your questions. Pick someone with whom you feel safe, who tries to understand you. This is one of the best things you can do for yourself in your life.

Practical ways to improve self-esteem by thinking

We can improve self-esteem through thoughts:

1. Turn negatives into positives:
Never lose the will to think positive, everything seems invested poorly or does not have a solution:
Negative thoughts
"Do not talk", "I cannot do anything!", "Do not expect too much", "I'm not good enough"
Alternative Thoughts
"I have important things to say", "I am successful when I put my mind to it", "I will make my dreams come true", "I'm good!"
2. Do not generalize
As already mentioned, do not generalize the negative experiences you have had in certain areas of your lives. We should all accept that we have had failures in certain aspects, but this does not mean that they are general and that we are "disastrous" in all aspects of our lives.
3. Focusing on the positive
In connection with this, we must accustom ourselves to see the qualities we have. We all have something good which we can be proud of, we must appreciate it and take it into account when we evaluate ourselves.
4. Becoming aware of the progress or success
One way to improve our image associated with that "looking good" is to make us aware of the progress or success we had in the past and try to have further success in the future. Ask the students to think about the success they have had during the past year. Tell them that we all recognize our ability to do things well in certain areas of our life and we must strive to achieve the success we want for the future.
5. Do not compare
All people are different, we all have positive and negative qualities. Although we see ourselves as "worse" than others in some areas, we are surely the "best" in others, so it makes no sense to compare ourselves and to feel "inferior" to others.
6. Trust yourselves
We must have trust in ourselves, in our capabilities and in our opinions. Always act according to what you think and feel, without being overly concerned about the approval of others.
7. Accepting yourselves
It is essential that you always accept yourself. You must accept that you are primarily important and valuable people, your strengths and weaknesses included.
8. Strive to improve
A good way to improve self-esteem is trying to excel in those aspects of yourselves that you are not satisfied with. You must want to change those aspects to better. It is therefore useful to identify what you would like to change about yourselves or what you would like to achieve, then set goals to achieve and strive to carry out those changes.

Positive Thinking: Learning to Be Happier

Life changes when our thoughts change, too

Good luck? We often say that we have had good luck, but it is not so as it is all about positive thinking! Positive thinking attracts what you think and when you add the power of words and accompany it with the feeling, you are almost undefeatable.

An example of a negative approach to life: The question: How are you? The answers:

"My life is a mess.
I am not doing very well.
This always happens to me.
I have already spoiled everything.
Nothing is going to be as I want it to be.
It is useless to strive. "

The problem is that there are many people who can determine their behavior and even their approach to life. They are undefeatable people ... But even when things are going well in life, just think

"This will not last long. I will run out of good luck. Happiness is not forever. I would like everything to always go well, but it's impossible." Instead, positive thinking works for people with goals and helps them to succeed and they will succeed in life if they use different sentences:

"Everything will be alright. Nothing is impossible. I have faith that everything will be in my favor. Good luck always accompanies me. I am confident. I should make an effort."

And if something bad happens, positive people are not defeated. On the contrary, their speech is one of hope and they say:

"There's an ill wind that blows. Always look on the bright side of things. Everything will be better next time. I should move forward no matter what happens."

Negative people are like the evil characters in a movie. They see themselves as losers, victims, while positive people are like wrestlers, entrepreneurs, owners of their destiny, continuous creators of their own movie. This is what is important, to change the view over life.

But ... Why be positive?

- The first reason is the physical and mental health.
It has been shown in several studies that a minute left to entertain a negative thought puts the immune system in an awkward position for hours. The distress causes a permanent feeling of being overwhelmed and it produces very striking changes in the functioning of the brain and of the hormonal system. It has the ability to damage neurons related to the memory and learning, which are located in the hypothalamus and it affects our intellectual blood flow as it leaves those brain areas most needed to make good decisions. Those people who are more irritable are more likely to suffer from heart problems and other ailments. Do not let a negative perception of life produce medium and long term health problems and affect the quality of your life. If you want to improve your health and live longer, get used to thinking positively.

- Your family, your partner, your children .... The people you most want are those who understand you have already resigned in front of bad temper, jealousy, insults, criticism ... There is the risk of transmitting a negative education to your children and all that entails for future employment and social integration. There is the risk of weakening the ties that bind you to your partner and the enthusiasm and excitement that must always be enhanced. If you want a happy family, try to think positive, as it will help a lot.

- Your work: A negative thought affects your intellectual capacity. It's much harder for people with negative thoughts to thrive in their work. Even those with higher intellectual ability and brilliance have their chances diminished by the suspicion generated by their negativity. While people with children are sometimes opportunist, people mired in negative approaches accentuate their isolation and their lack of popularity and support in their working environment. The modern and competitive company particularly values the leader, known for their ability to address complex and difficult situations with positive approaches. If you want to succeed, you should seek to think positively.

- Their social environment. A large part of our lives takes place around our friends, our neighboring communities, our social circles ... People with negative thoughts are developing an antisocial attitude that makes it increasingly difficult to be integrated and accepted. Their criticisms are isolated and they cannot accept their negative approach.

- Yourself. You only live this life once. Perhaps, not everything in our world is meant to be perfect. But surely, being positive helps and makes it much easier. Build relationships with others, but relationships based on positive thinking, make your family happier, improve your health and you will feel much better. You will even be aware of the worst situations you can be faced with...


"Do these seem insufficient for you to try? "Are you encouraged to make these changes?

Energy follows thought: Understand how your thoughts work

Thinking is the role that nature has given us. The mind makes us human, it is the greatest power we have. The state of our thinking determines our life and life changes when our thoughts change. It is not necessary to know that the mind is a power that works in positive or negative ways, but it works, whether for better or for worse. You shouldn’t change your mind if you want to live your life. Energy follows thought. Check your beliefs, your ideas. If you go looking for work thinking you're not going to get the job and you say: I cannot work, I cannot make a decree, you will not get it because the word has the power to manifest that thought. Good luck? No, it is positive thinking. Because positive thinking attracts what you think and when you put the power of words and the feeling together, you get the outcome you want.

Positive words

Words create the environment you live in and the environment you consider to be yours. Not acknowledging this power that many words thrown right and left have is like setting fires throwing lighted matches at home, at work, among friends. Many tragedies, turning points, crises occur because of such negative words which are thrown at the wrong time! Watch your thoughts and listen to your words. Words give positive feedback and make you recognize yourself. A thought for the good of others becomes a force of light that guides you through life. Never curse because the negative energy that fills your environment generates negative energy codes that appeal to your life and circumstances and bring misfortunes, tragedies, and yes, bad luck. Give blessings. They link the blessed with the higher spheres of consciousness and attract all that is beautiful, good and true into your life.

 We are responsible for our thoughts

Thoughts are like rays which go to other areas and influence others. We are responsible for the good or evil they cause. We observe the state of our thoughts and feelings every day. Chasing the negative thoughts away attracts positive thoughts, such as thinking about doing good deeds and about thanking for life. If you want to change the world, you have to think of the world you want!

Methods and ideas for positive thinking: get to work and change your thinking

Learn about the ideas, techniques and methods to encourage positive thinking from day one. I recommend that you build the wall from the first moment and set a goal to achieve every day.

1. A formula of urgency: the opposite thought. In his popular bestseller “The Monk who sold his Ferrari”, Robin S. Sharma gives us a method that can be very effective. He calls it "The opposite thought." Your mind can only think of one thing at a time. It is impossible to think of two things at once. If a negative thought comes to your mind, think about the opposite. Take it as a mental exercise, though it may seem silly or simplistic. If you have made a coworker green with anger, imagine that you have given them a lot of reasons to be joyful. If you are making a ferocious self-criticism, praise yourself. This "mental exercise" may tell you that although many believe to be right in life, their negative thoughts may not be fair and they can underestimate the way things really are or the way they would like things to be. Above all, begin to realize that you feel better with many of your thoughts if you do not torment them continually. Destroy them, kill them. Do not let a single negative thought brew in your mind. This is your first challenge. The opposite thought is your "mental everyday gymnastics".

2. Set a deadline for practice. The formation of habits in a person is fundamental. Do not simply apply this method for a couple of days. Aim for a minimum of four weeks / one month to do this mental exercise. The opposite technique is using a useful thought to free the mind from worry and negative influences in case this is a habit of yours. Mental control and awareness of the many negative thoughts that you can have is a great first step.

3. A goal for each day. This first step must lead to something else. Change your attitude towards life. Delve into the reasons and causes that have led to the escalation of negative thoughts and be very active in implementing solutions. We suggest everyday fixtures such as focusing on a target that allows you to be happy. You must find a goal for each day. Try changing the following:

4. Stop criticizing others. Do you think you're perfect? Congratulations. You already have a very good reason to be generous with the others. You are not perfect ... as a bit of humility and understanding of others is not bad ... Humans are not perfect!. Stop criticizing and be understanding! Always put yourself in another’s shoes. Look at your own mistakes before criticizing others. When you punish your child for something, think about what you did at their age. Start by saying, "I did the same was your age, even worse than you ...". It is very wise to apply the saying "Let me say something before you do". This indicates that it is better to stay ahead of the others when they explain their defects or faults.

5. Smile: A smile is a sign of great social value. If you do it honestly, as a token of sincere appreciation of your personal relationships, it will trigger a chain of positive attitudes. Try it, smile at the right time and you will have the smile returned. This creates a positive climate. Do not say "thanks" as one throws a paper to the trash. Say "thank you" and smile. Your image will change in the eyes of many people.

A smile lights up many people’s faces. You should work with a partner before discussing a problem. Take a few seconds. Try to smile, ask about their family and remember an episode which is dear to both. Find reasons to smile. Surely, you have them. Generously share something that costs nothing: the joy of living each day. Improve your social relationships as this will prevent you from the temptation to criticize. The benefits of laughter are several:

- it encourages you
- it reduces the risks of diseases
- it creates a happier family environment
- it improves labor relations
- it will be your best card. Your license to others’ personal equilibrium, welfare and happiness.
- It helps with balancing your mind, adding a touch of healthy humor
- Forgiveness: Sometimes we must forgive those who we call our "enemies", as an act of generosity.

Actually, it is quite the opposite. Forgiveness is a selfish attitude, it is absolutely crucial to our physical and mental health. It is not intelligent, healthy or loaded to have an enemy behind you. The status of "enemy" gives you many opportunities in your mind. They appear in inopportune moments, in your home, your family, your work, in your dreams ... They encourage the recreation of many negative thoughts in your mind: revenge, envy, spite ... Forget, forgive. Be happy, let your life by guided by positive thinking, these feelings being narrow margins that should have no place in your mind. Do not have enemies. Try forgiveness. We must begin to work it slowly. Think about the problem. Practice empathy. Empathy is the effort we make to recognize and understand people’s feelings and attitudes and circumstances that affect a particular time. The problem is seen through the other person's eyes. This will be a big step in the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is wise.

- Mastering life. Do not let it dominate you life. You have taken a giant step in deciding to control your mind. Chase all the negative thoughts away and start thinking positive. But you must take more steps so that you own your choices, your time, the things that might be of importance and all this makes it easier for you to think positive. Here are some tips that may help:

"Set your goals and priorities
“Plan your time and try to adjust to it
"Cultivate self-discipline
"Allow time for rest and reflection
"Do not hesitate to fight against stress
"In business, they say that" the urgency of addressing prevents things from being important". This is bad.

Dozens of business issues or business partners, suppliers, customers find their way into your daily schedule, finding "extremely urgent" issues or situations. Although other things are important and perhaps more urgent, they are relegated day after day. Endpoint. Mark your time and priorities.

-Establish what is important In your work and your family very clearly. Take the time and resources.
-Mental energy: We sometimes end up "rewarding" the concerns, promoting negative thinking about others and oneself from early in the morning until late at night, although we may know that this is not a good thing. In short: we waste our mental energy. Recall that we should use our mental energy to practice the technique of "opposing thoughts" when it comes to negative thoughts. Also, take the reins of our emotional impulses through the control and development of our emotional intelligence. The formula we have to follow is: PERSONAL EMOTIONS + motivation + EMPATHY =

- Control our emotional impulses= MENTAL ENERGY

Your mental energy is always growing or it should be. Try to cultivate your mental energy and notice that your mind is becoming stronger and more balanced, more alert and intelligent.

-Emotional intelligence
-Improving your approach to improve your hormones: positive messages for your "hormonal chemistry" leads you to:
-Not being suspicious of others" by nature.
-Avoiding the tendency to systematically criticize.
-Developing a pleasant climate around the people with whom you live
-Establishing sets of values such as tolerance, respect, gratitude ...
-Developing empathy
-Laughing and enjoying life.
-Improve your relationships with the others: Practice empathy. Empathy means putting yourself in another’s shoes, trying to understand their point of view from your position. If you have already successfully completed your goal to stop criticizing, we go a step further and practice empathy. Be generous and think about educational, occupational, social family influence etc. One can genetically be much worse than another ... Therefore, it is worth putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. You may find unexpected people in unexpected places, people who are very interesting although they may not be just as successful. If you don’t give those people an opportunity, you don’t give yourself one either. Thus, you cannot become stronger. How to see positivity in others? Try to find each person’s positive side. There. Even in the most negative person. If you see positivity in your environment, you will render them increasingly positive messages. The negative atmosphere will gradually turn into a positive one ... Try to find the bright side of things. Insist on seeing the good things in people and try to understand and be generous with some people. Try to act positively when it comes to small details of your relationship with others.

-Improve health: Take up a healthy life. Do not smoke, do not abuse of alcohol. If you smoke or drink occasionally, you have a challenge to improve your health, your self-control ability and your strength of will. This may be something that may improve your health and help you to think positively. Exercise regularly. It will help you become someone else. If you manage to exercise regularly, your brain will eventually think positive. Many of the chemical reactions that occur in the brain and lead to people acting positively have to do with the attitudes that are developed with continued exercise and achieving fitness, a good blood supply, etc. Plan a physical activity that fits your age, from walking to specialized exercises (yoga, jogging, etc.).. Take care of what you eat because you are what you eat. If you watch your diet, you've taken a big step. Read about food and health. Learn about the properties of food. Follow a varied and balanced diet and be careful to the requirements related to your health.  Watch out for becoming overweight.

Ten tips for positive thinking and changing your life

- The thinking is the key. I think it is crucial. In this regard, "thinking positively at all times provides a key advantage. In this regard, it should lead to success and not to failure. Avoid negative people and negative environments. You are what you think.

- Decide on your own dreams and goals. Be specific when setting your goals. For example, do not say "I would like to start exercising this month," but "I will start exercising this month." Make a careful plan and stick to it.

- Take action. The goals alone do not make sense but it takes action to achieve them. Just get to execute them without hesitation. In the previous example: Buy your sports clothing, join the gym and become more efficient when it comes to controlling your first two weeks...

- Never stop learning. Never stop learning. Take classes, read books, participate in groups, acquire new skills continuously.

- Be persistent and work hard. We ever heard the expression "the road to success is a marathon, not a sprint." Keep your goal, fight for it and work hard, so be persistent. Do not give up.

- Learn to analyze details. Get all the facts, ask for all the data and all the key variables. This will help you make the wisest decisions. Learn from your mistakes, but do not let them conquer you.

- Focus your time and money. When you believe in something, put all your attention and energy into it. Do not let people distract you.

- Do not be afraid of being innovative. Be different, try to be innovative. The world is moving continuously. It is progressing. Do not stop your world. Have ideas about what a successful idea may be. Do not follow the crowd.

- Communicate with people effectively. A person is not an island. Communicate your thoughts and desires honestly. Encourage others to communicate with you in a sincere manner. Practice understanding and motivating with people.

- Act with honesty. Take responsibility for what you do. Never cheat or lie. When you make a promise, stick to it. When you make a mistake, admit it.