No one will blame you if you choose to leave your partner if they were unfaithful.
For many people, the image of betrayal in the couple will live forever and, certainly, some relationships simply cannot survive this situation, this being one of the most encountered divorce grounds. However, keep in mind that there are people who can learn from their mistakes and that nothing has to be eternal.
If you have chosen to stay with your partner, there are many issues to address, which can be consulted individually or with your partner, relatives or acquaintances who have gone through and overcome the same situation.
Remember that they have to be people of high trust, since they must advise you on what is truly best for you, not guided by their personal pettiness.
It is also very common for people without good intentions to seize this moment when you are most vulnerable to personally blame or accuse their partners. It is also true that just staying with your partner does not mean anything because you may not have forgiven them or forgotten what happened. Perhaps the damage will always remain, you will always remember this moment and you consider that they are very likely to betray you again. Therefore, it is best to consult with an objective source from the outside before making a decision.
Basically, you should ask whether the effort to continue the relationship is justified or not. In the bottom of your heart, you think that there is potential for them to regain your trust. If you really want to work hard to improve a relationship in intensive care, these questions may discourage you, but if you still accept it, the chances that the couple will work at maximum.
A new opportunity
Suppose you have made the decision to stay with your partner. There are several cases in which both say they have to forget about the occurrence after reconciliation. Know that you can come to find forgiveness in your heart, but never completely forget what happened. This is not bad, but quite the contrary, it is a warning signal and it will result in an experience that will serve the future.
Be prepared to forgive your partner, but know that this will be a daily process that will take several weeks and you will not be able to complete it in a single lecture. Communication and trust are the cornerstones of relationships. How can you continue to trust someone who has betrayed you so? After all, if there was someone who did not get hurt then, it was only them. In addition, there is no guarantee that this will not happen again.
Your partner must understand quite the devastating effect of their actions and the way they hurt the relationship. Without this understanding, they cannot fully understand the gravity of the situation. In fact, he or she has jeopardized the stability of the family, the respect for your partner, children, peers and, ultimately, the future of the relationship.
If the main reason for the deceit was the enthusiasm to feel something new, there may be no more future risks. You cannot change what happened, but you can learn from it. The relationship will not survive without proper communication.
If you want to know why this occurred, first ask questions, but you must always be prepared to hear honest answers, not just what you want to hear. Some people do not want to know. That is never a solution. A good therapist may be necessary in these cases somewhat more complex. Also, note that this situation can help you to confront the problems of the pair once and for, however serious they are.
Give yourself time. If you feel uncomfortable asking a particular question, simply do not do it. Be sure to address your feelings when it comes to rebuilding the friendship and to considering starting a sexual relationship all over.
Be very careful about sexually transmitted diseases, even if your partner insists that they have used condoms. It is necessary that both of you do your medical checkups before having sex again.
Revenge is not always sweet. Before you say "eye for an eye," keep in mind that this will only bring more pain to both of you and it will not help anyone. What would happen if, above all, you received unacceptable details your partner’s lover? How could you eliminate the images of both together from your mind?
If you think this is the case, you should also review carefully the basis on which they develop their views. In most situations, people paint an overly dismissive and inaccurate picture of the lover, as a result of the resentment felt towards them.
When it comes to removing the images from your head, this is more difficult and it requires considerable mental work. Each time an image or a negative thought enters your mind or is dragged in your head, you should replace it with a positive one.
Note that if your partner wants to go back with you because that outside relationship failed to satisfy them, it could not have been a great joy. Otherwise, the ending or the divorce would be completely different.
There are no right or completely wrong answers and nobody can tell you what your best options are. Only you live in your shoes. You are solely responsible for your children. Only you know the exact feelings that this situation generates in you and only you can evaluate what is best to do in order to repair the relationship or when it is time to end it. Keep an open mind and listen to your heart.
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