Alternating Residence Beside the Father

We interviewed Felix, 36, a businessman and Philip's father, aged 6, to hear his views on alternating residence.

Testimony of Felix, divorced, 36 years old, Phillip's father. Philip is 6 years old.

You have been practicing alternate residence for five years and it is precisely because the current divorce law is changing. As a precursor, why and how did you choose this type of care?

In 1996, when we divorced, it was not legally possible to have a dual residency for the child.

The judge gave custody to my wife, but she frequently needed to move for professional reasons. Naturally, we turned to this type of solution, without going before the judge for family affairs.

What advice would you give parents who are considering this type of solution?

In my opinion, there must be dialogue between parents, a common vision of education (school choice, religion etc ...), and obviously a geographical proximity. But there is a mistake not to commit: Everyone should stay home - I'm never going to dinner or a drink with my ex. Initially, we tried to celebrate Phillip’s birthday together: he has completely destabilized. When the moment of separation came, he no longer knew whom he was to go with and did not want to leave one of the two. It was very sad and I told him he had to sleep with his mom that night since we alternate Christmas every other year and we celebrate two anniversaries.

Is there a risk for children and one for you? 

In my opinion, there is no risk when it comes to divorce and children, but it requires both parents to better deal with it.

What do you think are the advantages of alternating care for you, your ex-wife and your children? 

I think that it provides stability for the child and it prevents parents from becoming gift fathers or mothers.

Nothing changes for the fathers who cared for their children before the divorce.

But for others, there is a clear drift to become a gift dad this time of a weekend and males have a great ability to pull away from children.

Each parent can participate in the daily life of the child and can fully engage in a week.

We are best able to manage any disease, for we know that we can breathe the next week.

What do you think are the disadvantages of shared custody, for you and your ex-wife and children?

The first drawback: it is forbidden to move and it all stays in the same area.

Imagine recomposed two couples, while four were married, making a simple calculation that ultimately involves 16 adults, let alone children.

Second drawback: There are two of everything.

How did your child react when he found himself facing two houses? 

Well, he separates the two completely.

When Phil arrived home, I always told him how long it will last so he could find out. I counted on his fingers so that he would understand it better and not be too unhappy.

Do you think we should generalize this type of care? 

We can generalize this custody method because there is no reason why women should take full responsibility after the divorce.