In psychology, self-esteem or self-appreciation is the deep emotional view that individuals have of themselves and its causes go beyond their rationalization and their logic. The term is often confused with the colloquial impression about oneself, which actually refers to the ostensible attitude that an individual demonstrates about themselves to others and not the true emotional attitude or opinion that they have of themselves.
Self-esteem is based on the thoughts, feelings, sensations and experiences we have throughout our lives. The weaknesses of self-esteem affect our health, relationships and productivity, while its power strengthens our whole person, that is, our health, social adaptability and our productive capacities.
Why is it so important?
Self-concept and self-esteem play an important role in people's lives. The successes and failures, self satisfaction, psychological well-being and social relationships all bear its stamp. Having a positive self-concept and self-esteem is of paramount importance for personal, professional and social development. The self promotes a sense of identity, it is a framework which offers you the possibility to view the external reality and your own experiences, influence, performance, conditional expectations and motivation and contributes to your health and mental balance.
How does self-esteem work?
The concept of self-esteem develops gradually throughout life, beginning in childhood and going through various stages of increasing complexity. Each stage provides impressions, feelings and even complicated arguments about the self. The result is a widespread sense of worth or disability. Childhood assessments made by our parents and adults about our appearance, our performance, the evaluation made of our success or our image when we're younger by our friends reinforce self-esteem or pull us by the soils. One example is the comparison that is sometimes used by parents with children when around their peers to provide a "more positive" child model that is very far from improving the situation. In fact, it makes it worse because it generates a significant drop in self-esteem and rejection of the other person that they are compared with.
In general, positive experiences and fulfilling relationships help to increase self-esteem. Negative experiences and problematic relationships result in a decrease of self-esteem.
The importance of having high self-esteem
Feeling good about oneself helps you do the following:
- Enrich your life: Be happy with people around you is one thing that is highly appreciated. Being happy
means you can find more friends. Feeling better about yourself and being more open helps you establish
closer relations; and
- Accept the challenge: When you have high self-esteem, you will not be afraid to develop your skills. You
want to take risks and try new things. If you do not test things, you cannot become mature.
Some common side effects of low self-esteem
- Lack of confidence;
- Low performance;
- Distorted view of oneself and others; and
- An unhappy personal life
With high self-esteem you may
- Be the person you want to be;
- Enjoy more of the other;
- Give more of yourself to the world;
- Maintain confidence; and
- Stay tolerant.
How to think positively about yourself
Do your best to be your best friend. This means to give yourself to:
- Acceptance: Identify and accept your strengths and weaknesses.
- Help: Plan realistic goals.
- Time: Take time to be alone with your thoughts and feelings regularly. -> Learn to enjoy your own
company.
-Credibility: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Do whatever makes you feel happy and satisfied.
-Mood: Take an attitude of "I can do this."
-Respect: Do not try to be someone else. Be proud of who you are.
-Appreciation: Reward yourself for your accomplishments, large and small. Remember that your experiences
are uniquely yours. Enjoy!
-Love: Learning to love the person is so unique. You have to accept your successes and failures.
Questions and answers about self-esteem
- Is it easy to change self-esteem?
No. Because it means taking a deep look at yourself and then change the things you do not like. This takes time, but the results are worth the effort. If you have tried, but you have not made any progress, consider asking for help from a counselor.
- Does high self-esteem ensure your success?
No. But it ensures that you will feel good about yourself and the others. No matter what happens.
- Can I help others feel better about them?
Yes. Have positive attitudes and you give the others courage and encourage them, too. Help them open
up. Do not underestimate you or them. Be patient with their faults and weaknesses (everyone has them).
- Does high self-esteem mean selfishness?
No, it doesn’t mean selfishness or snobbery. These are false feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.
Having high self-esteem is appreciating your individuality, so that it can respond to others in a positive and
productive way.
So ...
Learn how to think positive about yourself:
- Please appreciate your individuality;
- Help yourself to develop your talents and skills;
- Encourage yourself every time you need to;
- Believe in your own judgments; and
- Like yourself.
Change this ----------------------> why
I cannot do anything right - I cannot light a bonfire
Nobody wants to be my friend -I can be friends with others
Sometimes I'm stupid - I know a lot about the subject
What will happen if nobody likes my project - I am very proud of my project
Do not worry so much about what people think of you. Instead, decide what you think of them!
The questions we ask when we meet new people “What will she think of me?”, "Will they like me? Do they think I'm stupid? Boring? These are the kinds of thoughts that make us nervous, we become helpless, shy or embarrassed. You can choose to change that way of thinking. Ask yourself: What do I think of them?", “Am I sympathetic to them? Are they interesting?”. This way, you have equal power and you feel no shame.
Keep being yourself
- Remember that you are already quite good as you are. You have to be happy and proud of who you are.
- Do not ever question your basic worth as human being
- Treat yourself like a worthwhile person
- Every human being is valuable, that includes you. Praise yourself enough, not only for what you do, but for
what you are and how you live your life.
- Do not blame yourself when things go wrong in life
- Do not accept any guilt that others try to throw on you, this includes adults. Remember, you are responsible
for your behavior and your own feelings.
-You can expect to make mistakes
- Do not compare yourself with others
- A human being has the right to make mistakes, that includes you!
Continued comparisons are a hard habit to break. Our culture teaches us to continuously compare. Parents compare their children. School compares its students. But remember that you are different and special. Nobody in the world is exactly like you.
Exercise to improve self-esteem
- Make your list of happiness (a list of items to perform and that make you happier) and think about it (see
the things you've already done), and do this every day, at the beginning and end of the day. This will help
you collect and store good feelings and self-esteem.
- Write six good things to do for yourself, but only for yourself.
- Choose something to do just for fun. Then, do it whenever you can on successive days.
- Get a "gift" every day.
- Forgive yourself for something you did in the past.
- Do at least one thing that is good for your body every day.
- Do at least one thing that is good for your brain every day.
- Find an adult you can trust and with whom you can talk.
- Get out and walk, play on the swings, build, draw, make a clown, do not try to be perfect.
- Listen to your favorite song, play with the ball, do some sports.
We've all done things we wish we had not done. We've all hurt someone, but that does not have to make us feel sad, guilty or embarrassed. Use your mind to do mental puzzles or games. Read a good book.
When dealing with younger people, being male or female sometimes produces fear. An adult can help you face your fears. When you feel confused, an adult can answer some of your questions. Pick someone with whom you feel safe, who tries to understand you. This is one of the best things you can do for yourself in your life.
Practical ways to improve self-esteem by thinking
We can improve self-esteem through thoughts:
1. Turn negatives into positives:
Never lose the will to think positive, everything seems invested poorly or does not have a solution:
Negative thoughts
"Do not talk", "I cannot do anything!", "Do not expect too much", "I'm not good enough"
Alternative Thoughts
"I have important things to say", "I am successful when I put my mind to it", "I will make my dreams come true", "I'm good!"
2. Do not generalize
As already mentioned, do not generalize the negative experiences you have had in certain areas of your lives. We should all accept that we have had failures in certain aspects, but this does not mean that they are general and that we are "disastrous" in all aspects of our lives.
3. Focusing on the positive
In connection with this, we must accustom ourselves to see the qualities we have. We all have something good which we can be proud of, we must appreciate it and take it into account when we evaluate ourselves.
4. Becoming aware of the progress or success
One way to improve our image associated with that "looking good" is to make us aware of the progress or success we had in the past and try to have further success in the future. Ask the students to think about the success they have had during the past year. Tell them that we all recognize our ability to do things well in certain areas of our life and we must strive to achieve the success we want for the future.
5. Do not compare
All people are different, we all have positive and negative qualities. Although we see ourselves as "worse" than others in some areas, we are surely the "best" in others, so it makes no sense to compare ourselves and to feel "inferior" to others.
6. Trust yourselves
We must have trust in ourselves, in our capabilities and in our opinions. Always act according to what you think and feel, without being overly concerned about the approval of others.
7. Accepting yourselves
It is essential that you always accept yourself. You must accept that you are primarily important and valuable people, your strengths and weaknesses included.
8. Strive to improve
A good way to improve self-esteem is trying to excel in those aspects of yourselves that you are not satisfied with. You must want to change those aspects to better. It is therefore useful to identify what you would like to change about yourselves or what you would like to achieve, then set goals to achieve and strive to carry out those changes.
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