Talking about sex can be very uncomfortable for both parents and children. Parents should respond to the needs and curiosity level of each individual child, offering just the amount of information that the child asks for and that they are able to understand. It may be helpful to seek advice from ministers or priests, pediatricians, family physicians or other healthcare professionals. Books that use illustrations or diagrams may help with communication and understanding.
Children are more or less curious and they understand more or fewer things depending on their age and maturity level. Children often ask for more details about sex as they grow. Many children have their own words for body parts. It is important to use words they know and with which they feel more comfortable, so it becomes easier for them to speak. A 5-year-old can conform to the simple answer that babies come from a seed that grows into a special place inside the mother. Dad helps when his seed combines with the mother’s seed, which makes the baby grow. An 8-year-old may want to know how dad's seed gets to mom's seed. Parents can then talk about how dad's seed (or sperm) coming from his penis is combined with mom's seed (or egg) in her uterus. Then, the baby grows in the safety of the mother's womb for nine months until it is strong enough to be born. An 11-year-old may want to know even more and parents can help by talking about how a man and a woman fall in love and how they can then decide to have sex.
It is important to talk about responsibilities and consequences of having an active sex life. Pregnancy, STDs or emotions and feelings about sex are important issues that should be discussed. Talking to your children can help them make the best decisions for them without feeling pressured to do something before they are ready. If you help your children understand that these are decisions that require maturity and responsibility, the probability of them making good choices or correct decisions increases.
Adolescents have the ability to talk about love affairs and sex in terms of their appointments ("dating") and relationships. They may need help dealing with the intensity of their sexual feelings, there being confusion regarding their sexual identity and sexual behavior in a relationship. Concerns regarding masturbation, menstruation, contraception, pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are common. Some adolescents also struggle with different conflicts about family values or about the religious or cultural background. Open communication and accurate information provided by the parents increase the likelihood that teens postpone sex and that they use appropriate methods of birth control once they begin their sexual lives.
Here are some things which can help you when talking to your child or teen about this issue:
Encouraging your child to talk and ask questions;
Maintaining a calm atmosphere and one free of criticism;
Using words that they understand and that make the child feel comfortable;
Trying to determine what level of knowledge and understanding the child has;
Keeping your sense of humor and not being afraid to talk about your own discomfort;
Establishing a relationship between sex and love, intimacy, care towards others and respect for self and for their partner;
Openly sharing their values and concerns;
Discussing the importance of the responsibility to make choices and decisions; and
Helping your child to consider the pros and cons of all alternatives.
By developing an open, honest and continuous discussion about responsibility, sex and alternatives, parents can help their children learn about sex in a positive and healthy way.
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