Are You Consistent With Your Teen?

The consistency of both parents towards their young is essential in order to avoid confusion within the family.

Friday, 17 am: It is the weekend! Finally! You have had one thing in mind only ever since your departure from work and all the way back -- you loosen the tie and "crush" on the sofa with a glass (or two ... or three) of wine or beer.  Then, unzip this week's craziness.

Permissions and prohibitions

Heading into this paradise of relaxation and drop, you begin to distinguish voices. You open the door of your house: "Good evening, everybody!" But, your entry passes completely unnoticed. However, the temperature's definitely high between your wife and your 15-year-old girl! Roxane wants to go out despite the ban that parents imposed on her following her poor academic performance.

Frustrated teen, exasperated parents

Your wife is struggling as a devil in holy water to convince her that a parent plays the role of the mentor: you think they will come to blows very soon. A mad desire crosses your mind: enjoy what you have not been seen to turn back and head back to the little bar around the corner, to enjoy a little quiet, a good drink, and rock music blaring ... You finally opt for the grief and the quiet evening farewell storm, a frustrated teenager and an exhausted mother.

Peace of Munich

In 1938, the French and British leaders met with Hitler in Munich: "It's good, you can invade Czechoslovakia and destroy this country, but please do not attack us", they told him. Laughing, Hitler said, "I promise!"  In crossing his fingers, hands and toes, and Chamberlain and Daladier, the English and French leaders, were greeted as heroes upon their return home. They had saved the peace! The rest is history.

You are in Munich and Roxane plays her trump card. You have the authority, but you mainly want peace. You look at your ally. Basically, you have to let her live her own experiences, her friends’ parents are all more tolerant, she is big enough to make choices and bear the consequences.

Consistency between spouses

What parent does not dream of letting go? Who has not dreamed of turning a blind eye and buying peace with her child by giving them permission without their spouse’s consent? Who ever thought that her husband was either too "hard" or too "soft" when the time came to set the tags?

Your teens have the ability to read your soul and find topics and specific times to come and test your consistency, your personal integrity ("Will he take his butt?").

Asking the right questions

Being consistent, being able to deliver what was advertised: before we get to a position, ask yourself some questions:

- Is my decision made based on my personal values?
- Have I discussed with my spouse or partner?
- I dominate my emotions, but do they? Do I not promise the worst consequences when I'm angry,
  then retract?
- Have we taken the time and perspective needed to make a decision?

Do as the Supreme Court of Canada and accept the requests made in advance, do not negotiate before the teenager, deliberate in private and give one common answer!

The teen will learn the limits

It is the teenager’s role to test the limits, check the tightness of the parental couple, attempting to obtain benefits from one parent or the other. Now, if you take your time, breathe deeply and communicate openly with your partner, the following will occur:  you'll gain personally, your relationship will improve and, more importantly, your teenager will gain from respecting their parents in situations.

To bring consistency, repeat this phrase: "Dictatorship is shutting your mouth! Democracy is always being concerned..."