A priori, we wake up every morning, we go to work and then return home. This is the normal routine in many households. Both partners are separated for most of the day and their time to interact is extremely limited.
However, family, friends and social relations, in general, tend to stand in the way of this promotion. In short, life outside the workplace disappears.
Find your balance or shift
Many couples come for consultation because there is good communication between them. As they do not see each other during the day, dinner becomes the ideal opportunity for complaints and recriminations.
Some complain about the work, about how tedious it is to maintain the status acquired, others complain about the hours they spend away from home, about never being seen, about being neglected by their children, etc. Although these complaints are common, no one does anything to improve the situation and this becomes a routine that is often linked to recriminations, arguments, stress, lack of communication, etc.
If we stop to think about the problems that work causes and all that it entails, we would probably be more aware of what we want for ourselves and of what the requirements in the business are.
Maybe we could find a balance and if not, we may have mistaken our career path or it's simply time for a change.
It is a question of priorities
Apart from the communication problems caused by the fact that you are not there all day or by the fact that one is at work until ten at night and the other is at home with the children, homework, shopping and more, we must also take into account priorities of each partner.
Delegating tasks or not taking responsibility for something can cost one very much when it comes to their jobs. For many, the professional prestige and criticism of others are very important. They need to deal with all this in order to improve the family situation. The priorities of each partner is a crucial element.
If you're willing to lose your spouse and children, go ahead, try to be head of production or head of the bank and fight for it, but be aware of what you lose on the way.
If, however, you prefer having a simple life and take your children to school, go to parent meetings, go to the movies on a weekday and so on, then you have to do a reorganization of your working life and see the privileges that it gives you.
There is a series of questions which can help you find out what you want:
- What I would like to have in 20 years: a united family or a job as a manager? Perhaps the two things are
compatible, but if not, you need to give it some time and assess the situation.
- Do I need the extra economic position and the extra stuff it brings me? "Do I get a raise at work if I try
harder every day or am I stuck?”
- "Can I live to be another employee or do I need a higher position above all?
- “Will my self-esteem will stay as high as it is now?”
- "Can I talk to my bosses and reorganize my working life?”
- On the other hand, do I usually have discussions with my partner about employment?
- Do I get home so late that the children are asleep and my partner does not talk because they do not think
I'll get involved?
- Do I live comfortably and spend money on unnecessary whims? Could I live with less?
- Do I do leisure activities outside my family during the week? Do we talk every day and solve problems
together?
Stop and evaluate the answers to these questions and analyze the situation; maybe you can improve something. If you decide to keep the job you have now and show everyone how competent you are, you will need extra energy to devote to your family and friends.
The attempt to maintain a status above all else and to prove to your bosses and colleagues who is the most competent is no more than a hint of insecurity. If you relax and do what you are required, you will not have to feel obligated to give more.
If you already give all that you can, the wear that comes with wanting to give more can affect other aspects of your life and not necessarily yourself.
Rental crisis
Another component that has to do with life as a couple and the job may be the percentage of couples who split last summer, which is supposedly a time to relax, unwind and enjoy the couple.
However, in many cases, this is a problem, because throughout the year, couples tend to live separately, each one with their work. They only sometimes spend time together and are devoted to domestic issues and the everyday routine. Each one is organized in their own way and lives on their own and they can only be seen at 10 pm for dinner and bedtime.
What happens when you travel? The pattern is changed, you are together all day, you have to do chores, organize vacations, outdoor activities, dinners with friends, family visits and so on and the problems arise when you have to count on the other to organize things. There are all kinds of fights which come up when someone starts organizing things without letting the other one know and so on.
The only problem is the lack of communication throughout the year. You are not used to this situation anymore and it now costs you to incorporate another person in your process, although they are supposed to always be there.
Yet, it would be nice to stop and think of a number of things: if I cannot go before work, if I really like staying at work until 10, if I'd be at the movies or having a drink with my partner, if it cost me as much as I thought, if I can have what I want in both areas, whether it is worth losing my partner just to be a manager and so on and so forth.
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