The Breakup With Males

Men cause only 25% of breakups. What are the reasons that push a relationship to an end and how to react when you are left? Here is some useful basic divorce help to make it easier for you from the very beginning.

If the rupture is difficult to live with, it is still possible to limit the damages. Psychologists Helene Baril and Father St Francis explain how.

The shock of the breakup

Men generally question their relationships more than women. This is what the psychologists interviewed have observed. This would explain why many of them are shocked by the announcement of a breakup. "Some men are very distressed when they realize that it's serious and that their partner will really leave. There are some who are doing everything to hang on, but it's often too late", says psychologist Father Francis St, a specialist in couples therapy and family mediator.

He advises couples to take the time to separate. "It is not about letting the other hope, but rather about allowing them to get used to the idea that it's over," he says. The psychologist also noted that it is important to explain the reasons for separation clearly.

Men generally take breakups harder than women. The fact of not having had time to solve the problems could lead to feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and even, depression. Men also tend to get involved in another relationship soon after a breakup.

The leak before a breakup

"When they are dissatisfied with their relationship, many men will prefer to flee - in work, sports or with a mistress - rather than break up," says psychologist Helen Baril, specializing in marital therapy at the Center Psychology of Old Longueuil.

"Generally, men tend to shift their relationship and be more distant and disagreeable. Instead of saying that it's over, they will make their wives’ life difficult. Subconsciously, it saves them from having to bear the guilt of the breakup on their shoulders", says Father Francis.

What causes men to end a relationship? "The sexual dissatisfaction in many cases," said Father Francis St. The incompatibility of personalities would also be among the main causes of male failure.

The best ally over time

Is it possible to break into harmony after sharing years of common life? "I would say it is difficult to speak of harmony, especially at first. However, it is possible to break less wildly, "admits St. Francis Father. The psychologist Helene Baril concurs: "A rupture causes a lot of emotions. It is a moment of crisis when the partners are not always rational. It is not easy to live, even for the person who made the decision", she says.

Tips for a successful break and basic separation, divorce advice

- Do not split in a hurry.
- Explain the reasons for the failure clearly.
- Do not blame the other. "This only accentuates the conflict. Instead of trying to find a culprit, I suggest to
  everyone to reflect on their share of responsibility for this failure. The separation may then serve as a tool
  for change, "says Helene Baril.
- Verbalize the emotions. This is an important step in therapy. "Men, for example, often lack a confidant
  apart from their wives. During the break, it becomes even more important for them to see someone who
  will listen", said Father Francis St.
- Do not say anything. "Sometimes people tend to say everything, but I advise my clients to always wonder
  what the impact on the other, for example, may be", says Helene Baril.
- Choosing the right time. Do not start talking about the separation before leaving for the office or from the
  door.