With regard to their sexual life, four in ten Spanish believe that their sex life would improve if they were less tired or stressed; 31 per cent would like to have more sexual desire; and 27 per cent put more effort in their love life. The sexual priorities are changing, according to the survey, which states that the Spanish claim to be dedicated. 43 per cent put in more affection and like to spend more time with their partner, four in 10 want to know how to please their partner and 3 out of 10 want a relationship based on more love and tenderness.
However, they still talk about sexuality produces restlessness, nervousness, and shame. They are still not open-minded when it comes to talking about these issues, but they affect us all. There are many misconceptions and myths about sexuality that interfere with our relationship. Communication between partners is essential in this.
More and more couples are seeing psychologists. Most of them say they do not love the other or want to like them like when they were dating. It is as if time worn out or lost the sexual desire for the partner in their relationship. This apparent lack of sexual appetite is the most common.
Sexual problems begin when communication fails, when there are no more words. There needs to be harmony in a couple for the sex life to be good, too. The rising emotional tension adds up to these problems. These relational problems are reflected in the loss of interest in sex. In this environment, it is common to see men and women who punish their partner by withholding sex, affection, hospitality, kisses and so on.
Sex lives 24 hours a day, not just in bed ... the other feels that you are interested in them, it is something that happens between two people in a relationship, something that occurs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Communication is what you need for better sex.
Do I need to be in love to make love?
Making love with the beloved is the ideal, the more enjoyable and more beautiful thing for most people. But this does not mean that you cannot have pleasant sex without loving the other since an absence of love does not imply a lack of physical attraction or an absence of sharing a moment. There can be very positive feelings that will participate at the sexual pleasure even without love. We can say that, generally, a very young woman needs to feel more love than a man in order to have sex. Over the years, things evolve and there is an increasing need to appreciate sexual pleasure with men, while a woman will appreciate sexual pleasure more and more, even without love. And there's something else: love can complicate the pleasure. When you love, you may be afraid of the other not liking it, not keeping up, of being rejected ... When there's less at stake, sometimes the pleasure is much more simple. However, it is true that the greatest pleasures are those that occur when love and sexual attraction go together.
The sexual activity is a reflection of the relationship: if the sexual part goes wrong, the relationship can go wrong and the other way around.
It is clear that the sexual partner is a reflection of the dynamics of the relationship. Time wears on sexual desire, but the relationship itself evolves over time, therefore, desire and love will also undergo changes. At the beginning, sex usually occurs continuously and it is new all the time. As time passes, it becomes something more than everyday life. The desire is not only sexual in nature. It is anything that gives us some kind of satisfaction and pleasure. This is what makes people move, make decisions. Within that desire is sexual desire itself. We would say that there are desires that are more satisfying than good sex.
Women have a different sexual desire of men
Women have a different sexual desire for men, but it cannot be said to be minor. A man wants his wife when he finds her beautiful, attractive, when there is physical attraction. A woman experiences greater willingness depending on the words she hears, the things that he transmits, when she is understood when speaking. And that is where the problem arises: in general, men speak very little and even less so when the issue is to give words of love. Thus, female desire can remain dormant. When a man can speak to a woman, she may feel a strong desire that can last for years.
And for the record, desire does not disappear in a couple, but it is put into other things. Over time, the power of desire is transmitted to other elements. It is clear however, that if we do nothing to stimulate or arouse our partner’s desire or sexual attraction or interest shown to us, there will be no desire. Relationships must be carefully administrated every day and sexuality is an element of linkage between these people. When there is good communication between partners, sexual pleasure often tends to increase in a partner with the passage of time. Many couples of a certain age, now retired, claim that their sexuality is much more fulfilling than when they were young. In fact, what has changed is the nature of desire. It is different and, in order to continue enjoying a rich sexual life, we must learn to evolve, to accept the passage of time, to understand one another and not just being led by a hormonal skin-deep desire. We need to meet and exchange a real desire. This facilitates better understanding of the wishes of another, better responding to and it can reduce the misunderstandings ... In the end, you could say that the pleasure in the couple's something you have to spend time with over the years spent in that relationship. And this work is all worth it!
The shame and the desire
There are no two persons who are the same. In this sense, the good sex has to please both of them. Some women get more pleasure with preliminary acts of penetration. If their partner does not realize that detail, they will certainly end up having problems. We must pay attention to the other’s tastes. This is the way to get mutual pleasure. If everyone is on their own, it's natural that one is dissatisfied. Historically, there are cases of men and women seeking partners outside the type of sexual intercourse or acts that they enjoy, because their partners do not dare to do certain things. A very important lesson is to know that one can assume various roles: mother, father, woman, man, lover, worker, partner... We have to be different in every situation, so we leave aside certain moral questions in sexuality, as they only serve to inhibit us.
In order to get along with others, we must first get along with ourselves. Therefore, we must be more tolerant of the way we enjoy pleasure. Sexuality is just the way we interact with the world to obtain pleasure. It is social matter rather than a genital one and it allows the individual to get a wide range of types of satisfaction, since they do not always think of immediate and fast as the most enjoyable way to have sex.
The refusal to have sex in a certain way
People think that the "refusal to make a sexual practice can make the person get tired of it" ... When you love someone, you should listen to their wishes and try to understand them. But listening and understanding does not mean having to take all their wishes into consideration. It is perfectly normal that two different people do not have the same desires. And it is crucial for couples to respect the differences between the two partners. However, it is important to say no if your partner wants to do something that you don’t want to do. Ideally, say "explain to me why it is important to you". And then, "I understand, but it is not right, I do not feel like I can fulfill your desires". If you ever agree to a sexual practice that does not suit you, you will be disgusted or you won’t like yourself afterwards. And you will not feel good, in which case your partner cannot respect you, for the simple reason that you do not respect yourself. And you cannot love someone you don’t respect. So if you say yes to everything, if you accept all your partner’s wishes and go against your principles and your tastes, it is likely that the relationship won’t last very long.
TRUE: Sex is very important for couples
Sexuality is useful, beneficial, pleasant and positive, but it is not essential. Sex is a means of communication such as speech, gestures, writing, acting... Sexuality is a privileged and intimate way of expressing feelings, the desire to be near each other and much more when you are exclusive in the couple. Then, it becomes a privileged channel of trade. Sexuality is often the image of the couple, what a partner really is like. When a couple goes wrong, sexuality rarely goes well. But when a couple goes well, the sex usually works quite well, too. Therefore, one could argue that sexuality is a true proof of the health of the couple. However, sexuality can become a huge problem, without affecting the couple in their essence. A couple can feel very close to each other, with a very difficult sexuality, for example, in case of a serious illness. It can also happen that sexuality works quite well, while the couple is torn apart, in which case, the body understanding persists, although the relationship is breaking.
The normal rhythm of sex in couples
This subject has always been controversial ... and humor has been frequently used to ridicule certain situations. Some think that the more sex you have in your family, the better. Once a day, three times a week ... this is a myth and social hypocrisy. When a condom company publishes its annual numbers, we realize that the myths are not true. 72% of the Spanish have sex at least once a week, 74% usually talk to their partner about how they prefer to be intimate. The reality is that there is no rule in this area. You can only talk about media, in which case it should be noted that on average, the differences may be very important. The average is - in terms of statements (true or not) - slightly below 3 times a week. Some couples make love every day, even several times a day and some only make love once a week or even once a month. No one is normal or abnormal, there's just agreement or disagreement with this or that couple. The essential thing is that both partners are satisfied. On the other hand, it is very common for a couple to go through periods of intense sexuality, followed by much calmer periods or even totally calm ones. It is perfectly natural when a relationship goes on for years. In addition, the frequency of sex is only a number and it does not usually give an idea on the quality. The time devoted to sex is longer the younger you are and the newest the link is: young people aged between 16 and 24 spend 24 minutes per act, while those over 55 spend only 12 minutes. The quality of the relationship also has to do with the time you invest. Again, all this depends on the tastes of each.
According to the survey mentioned above, every other Spanish thinks their sex life is not as exciting as they would like it to be. 49% find that their sex life is exciting and 51% say they lack variety between the sheets.
That's why it's important to be informed. It is the best antidote to prevent sexual dysfunction. When a person suffers dysfunctions that reflect that a continuation is absolutely necessary and appropriate, they need to consult a professional psychologist to help them solve the problem. If the dysfunction is chronic, the problem is much more serious. The earlier they start their treatment, the better their prognosis. The disorders to which we refer are:
- The lack of orgasm;
- Sexual desire disorders: Lack of sexual appetite / excessive appetite;
- Premature ejaculation; and
- Fluctuations of sexual arousal, erection and arousal in men and women and some others.
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