Another factor to consider is whether there is some kind of emotion or feeling towards the other person. There are very different ways to address the situation if your partner is in love with another person or if they have feelings for that person.
We must also consider the possibility of contact with that person. Do they see each other on a regular basis? Are they co-workers? These are all important details when it comes to overcoming the insecurity that is generated in such cases.
When faced with an infidelity, you should take these factors into account in order to determine where it all ends and how it all ends. Not everyone will react the same way and of course is all depends on the situation in which it occurs. We must also value the time that the couple find to spend with each other, if there are any conflict and so on. Infidelity can be better understood as long as there is a good reason to justify it.
On the other hand, if the couple is going through good times, we should look into the personality of the member who has been unfaithful to find out what happened. What weaknesses might they have that allowed them cheat on their partner.
The deceived and the infidel
An infidelity always involves two characters: the deceived and the infidel. Depending on our role, our emotions will be different. They also depend on the attitude we have about what happened. Do not forget that there are people who do not repent having an affair as it makes them grow stronger and it reinforces their ego (which is certainly subject to low self-esteem).
The feelings that follow are applicable to those experiencing infidelity as a "scam" in their relationship:
• Deceived: guilt, sadness, anxiety, lack of confidence in themselves and in the other, disappointment and
disillusion about their partner, anger, rage, resentment, difficulty in forgiving.
• Infidel: guilt, confusion, insecurity, sadness, helplessness (cannot do anything, you must wait for the other to
forgive), undervaluation.
These feelings will require different strategies to try to overcome them and will diminish as time passes, regardless of the whether the solution has been to stay together or separate.
On the other hand, it would be useful to establish a set of guidelines to follow if you want to save your marriage. To do this, you must differentiate the deceived and the infidel.
Actions to be carried out by the deceived
• Ask your partner about all the details of the action, learn about places, times, conversations, etc. This may seem strange if you are trying to forget about what happened, but I think they will be useful at first, so avoid spending all day thinking about the questions that come to mind at the time, etc.
Once you have the answers for everything, you should have an overview of what happened and not ask anymore questions. Now, you can get used to the idea since you have tied up all the loose ends. In the event that there is anything left to know, the ideal thing to do would be to start to forget.
• Express your feelings at the time in order for the other to know how to react; do not forget that the others
do not have the ability to read minds, which is obvious when we need a hug or shout to derive the inner
rage. Remember that we must express our feelings directly and at a time. Put things away and then just help
them to come all together in the next discussion.
• Value the things that make your partner happy. For the Record, a bouquet of flowers is not the solution,
but it helps.
• Search your partner’s nonverbal communication traits (facial expression, moments of reflection, if they look
you in the eye when they are sincere, if they cry or if they are sad). You can see if they are sincere, if they
are really sorry, if they try to make things better by all means.
Actions to be carried out by the infidel
• Be sincere with your partner, explain what happened trying to emphasize the feelings you had and the
whys. If you were going through a bad time, express your loneliness, your misunderstanding, your bad
humor, the support of another person, etc..
• Dedicate yourself to regaining your partner with details that they liked in the past. Retake the initial
infatuation period when you met.
• Try to identify your bad times and try to be there to help, but you must also learn to leave them some
space.
• Explain why you are willing to try again, the union that you have always had and highlight how you can
overcome it together.
• Make a personal reflection about your infidelity, as something positive must have taken place. Think if your
ego felt good, if this happened because you needed to feel valued by others and you needed to fell good,
which indicates some uncertainty in yourself and low self-esteem. You should work on these aspects of
your personality so that it does not happen again.
Actions to be carried out by the two
• Talking about mistakes, about the possible whys and about monotony.
• Highlight your partner’s strengths every time you get the chance.
• Try not to let this affect your life in general by all means. You must maintain the balance in all aspects
so that this does not affect other aspects of your life.
• Organize a plan of action to overcome this, full of activities and future plans to seek a common goal, a new
illusion and give yourselves time.
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