I Cannot Live Without My Children

I am a young woman aged 35. I am a mother of 3 children. One of them is ten years old, another one is five and the youngest is three years old. We waited 5 years before we succeeded in having our first baby. The second and the third were like our gifts from heaven.  However, I also struggled to have them as they both came very quickly. I am very close to my children, who probably ran out of child love. I always wanted to give them a lot and I was too afraid not to give one too much and too little to the other.

So I had a tidy and very quiet life, a nice little house, a job that I shared with my husband. Unfortunately, despite being very close and getting along very well, something changed in our relationship and things didn’t turn out so well. We forgot about the four of us. He took a job and started working more and more and I no longer lived for my children either.

One day, I met a young man. We first got to know each other, we talked about everything and anything, about all the aspects of our lives. But I then realized that was not my life. I was a woman, a mother and a wife, but it was the mother in me that lived at that time. Over the days, this man and me, we got closer, we turned our friendship into a love relationship and we declared our feelings. However, difficult moments followed, both for me and for him. I felt very guilty towards my husband and I regretted the fact that I was harming him. It was difficult for me to break up and turn to the man of my life, whom I had only met once.

The relationship with my husband was going pretty well, we kept in touch for the children. It's been one month since I moved with my new boyfriend and everything should be wonderful for me …Unfortunately, this is not the case ... The mother has taken over me and my doubts, too. My husband and I live nearby, the children have not changed schools and we spend every other day with them, as well as one weekend in two. I am happy and fulfilled when they are with me, but when I feel as if I was sick when I am not with them.

I do not want to deprive their dad of their love, as he loves them just as much as I do and cares about them just as much. I do not know what to do. My partner listens to me, he understands, but he doesn’t have any children. He supports me, but his words cannot remove the weight that I have in my heart. I cannot live without my children. I am making a lot of people miserable because of this, I have been selfish, but it is my right. Now, I wonder if I was right to do that because, ultimately, I'm not happier ... Will I have another chance to leave my marriage and keep my family together or should I finally turn the page and start a new life with my new friend who only wants to have a future with me .... I never seem to make the right choice, never knowing what I want ....