I just saw a television program about love, but not the soap operas with a happy ending, but the cruder aspects of reality, sometimes cruel in its veracity.
The sufferers exhibit their emotional scars with great sincerity and, apart from the financial benefit obtained, it is curious that they do it with taste, as if to compete to see who has the most miserable memories. Meanwhile, in addition to the fact that the economic interest must be very strong, this pain that drives its victims to becoming objects of public display and the motivation for such emotional undressing on camera are probably the last resorts of desperation.
From love to pain
When it ends, love leaves the impression of no further desolation. This is curious because this same feeling came before periods when every tomorrow is a smile and each day better than the last during its triumphant apotheosis. Even then, there is nothing else like love, no other feeling that can overwhelm you so or bring you closer to divinity.
According to the testimonies of the participants in the program, it would appear that all the other problems remained in second place when it came to the sentimental failure. Thus, psychologists say the wrong priorities are set when the feelings have gone far beyond reason.
However, the same specialists that learned the difficult art of shredding and analyze emotions tell us, in numerous treaties, that nothing can be more logical at this time: a family crisis is the crisis of love or the crisis of love is the axis of the dissolution of the family. Therefore, the agonies of love seem to be when fear of the H-bomb has been replaced by the fear of loneliness and this fear is very common nowadays. This is another small change of emphasis for this third millennium of our era.
Days ago there was a conversation at an international conference with psychologists from several countries in Europe and Latin America. We agreed to identify similar symptoms in patients suffering from a decline in sexual desire, accompanied by a cooling sentimental anguish of excess or lack of work, lack of communication and social rivalry within the couple. This does not prevent tragedies from continuing to occur and crimes of passion from being completed.
History and literature abound with testimonies from frustrated people because of others that are not in love and written history is shown continuously as a mythological theme of mythology of movies for a very long time. Menelaus and Helen, David and Bathsheba, Paul and Virginia, are examples of unrequited love that produced more unhappiness than happiness and even today, in this era of psychoanalysis, one in three people suffer at some point in their lives for unhappy love.
Another story which is misleading the couple lies in books like that written by the Boston psychiatrist Frank Pitman: ”Private Lies: Betrayal of innocence”, who draws the womanizing addict for whom sex is a hobby and does not feel true love for their sweetheart. According to the calculations, 20% of Americans cheat on their partner, 10 million are compulsive infidels and there is even an organization for them with tens of thousands of members and with an increasing number of members.
From this point of view, those who explained the fiery explosions of passion by means of chemistry may have been right looking for clues in the biochemistry of the human body and claiming that physical contact such as kissing mouth-to-mouth facilitates an exchange of substances flooding the pleasure centers in the brain.
Meanwhile, when subjected to intense passion, the body produces compounds such as adrenaline that increase the blood pressure and the heart rate and speed up the metabolic processes. They are natural stimulants that can cope with stressful situations and reduce the self-preservation. Maybe that's why love is more difficult to control and why it is more difficult to control the risks with love, as these substances affect the nervous system and that system becomes a nervous wreck.
Some offer a foolproof recipe from this point of view: recovering from a disillusioned love with a new one, which could be viewed as seeking a replacement for the chemical groups. Many psychologists disapprove of this, considering it a kind of sentimental crutch. They prefer that the mourner discovers the truth for themselves: there is no balanced loving relationship without mutual respect, which requires each one to assess the integrity of the other.
Are you afraid of loneliness?
Despite these arguments, the agonies of love remain a part of the sentence, but the loneliness that grips the man is like a robot in modern consumer society. The vacuum causes the agony of love never to be refilled at all and if the spirit returns to its place, it is to torture the love. Not surprisingly, the Marquis de Sade had “Crimes of Love” as one of the most read books in history. Today, there is no need for sharp knives and whips, as the post-modern couples have very original ways of making the heart bleed.
For example, small daily reproaches that slowly become irrelevant to the fighting duo, or the coldness of the deal, which degenerates into icy conditions before which even the most seasoned Eskimo would pale. One day, the victim proves that the spirit of the couple has disappeared and the mourners are reluctant to extend the death certificate.
Very often, the final death (brain death, for those who study the various states of death) precedes the clinical death, which sometimes occurs by cardiac arrest or respiratory arrest, leaving no vital space for one of the partners or for both. This is perhaps the most difficult time for disillusionment in love, because it takes great courage to recognize that they are dead and that so is the image that they lived with of the person who inspired them. Neruda said it best in his “20 Poems of Love”: We, then, are no longer the same.
Each thwarted love has a personal drama that no longer is a daily heartbreaking and we should ask the specialist if the man should resign himself to pay such high prices every time he decides to really love. Is it a conviction that humanity carries? What did our first parents invent when they materialized the original sin? Would the original crime be renovated by countless generations anyway?
Sometimes, the dying love gives a last illusion, a kind of Morgana for the thirsty to drown in the obsessive and often desperate struggle to avoid the inevitable decline of a doomed relationship. Even on the brink of collapse, they persist in what psychologists call “restoring the stability of the couple” and many do not realize when they cross the border between intangible love and masochism. Turned in a competition between murderers, who may just have to know who they have to kill and almost always win, the first that supports the separation has less to lose. The other goes through what we see on television.
There is nothing better than these shows if we want to see that love. Just like in the Inquisition period, there are victims and executioners and while some selfless souls prefer the first role, they most often take the second role and interpret it very well. Today’s victims were the perpetrators of yesterday or will they be those of tomorrow? That would be the last, ironic approach of dying out of love: becoming murderers, if only to check whether the murderer’s remorse is as deep as the victim’s wound.
Is it then necessary to give up on love? No, of course it is not, but if you differentiate deep love and you are aware of the sudden infatuation, fascination and glare, as when love matures and stands the test of time, it is intended to be illusory or not an artificially perfect person, but a real and objective person, with their flaws and virtues. For love is a dance in two and you need the depth and maturity of understanding, communication and honesty, besides the sudden shock of passion and desire. Unfortunately, there are three things extremely abundant in our civilization, in which the heart is still a lonely hunter.
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