If the family breaks up, children often react with a mournful silence.
1. Never forget that the child belongs to both of you, although they now have a parent with whom they mainly live and that takes care of them most of the time. However, they just need the other, too.
2. Do not ask them who they like best from the two of you. They love you both equally. They do not like it when one parent talks badly about the other and it hurts them.
3. Help them keep in touch with the parent they do not constantly keep in touch with. Write down their phone number or write the address on an envelope. Help them to craft something for Christmas or to make them a nice birthday gift. They know photos are very important and that they have an important impact on the parents, which is why they always make very good birthday presents, especially if you want someone to feel closer to you.
4. Talk to each other as adults.
Just talk about it. They are not used to being messengers, especially if they have to deliver messages that make the other sad or angry.
5. Do not be sad when they go to the other parent.
Children never want their parents to know that they have been bad. Most of all, they would always be with both of their parents, but they cannot tear into two pieces just because you have torn the family apart.
6. Never make other plans for when the child spends time with the other parent.
Part of their time belongs to their mother and them and a part to their father and them. Keep working consistently.
7. Do not be disappointed or angry when they are with the other parent and they do not register with you.
They have two homes. They need to keep them well apart otherwise they cannot remember or differentiate them at all.
8. Do not treat them as packages that you leave at the front door and you wait for someone to come and pick them up. Ask the other to give you a moment and simply talk about how you can make the children’s difficult life easier. If they are picked up or placed, there are brief moments when they have both their parents near. Therefore, you should not destroy that and start quarreling.
9. Let them come home or have some friends pick them up after kindergarten or school if you cannot stand standing next to your former partner.
10. Do not argue with them. Be at least as polite to each other as you are there to other people and just like you want your children to be.
11. Do not tell them about things that they cannot understand yet.
Talk about it with other adults, but not with them.
12. Let them bring their friends to both of your places. This way, the children can introduce their friends to both their mother and their father and, therefore, feel more accomplished and happy, even for a short period of time.
13. Be fair about the money. They would not want one of you to have a lot of money and the other to have very little money. They want to do just as well so that they are comfortable with both of you equally.
14. Do not try to indulge them for a bet.
Loving their parents is not like who can eat more chocolate as they have two parents and they have always been treated equally.
15. Tell them frankly if you never get along because of the money.
Time is definitely much more important than money to them and they have shared much more than a fun toy in a fun game.
16. It does not necessarily matter what you do with them as long as you do something new with them. What you should remember id the following: the best for them is when they are happy just to play and have a little rest.
17. Let them enjoy as many things as possible when it comes to rebuilding the atmosphere they lived in before you got separated. It starts with their children and ends with the little things they have done all alone with their father or their mother.
18. Be nice to the other grandparents
People often need to get their revenge and end up hating their former partner and everyone that has to do with them. However, the grandparents representing the other parent are just as entitled to love as the ones from the main parent’s side.
19. Be fair to the new partner
The parent they live with may have already found a great partner to share their life with. It is very important for the children not to feel jealous of them and not to be competing with them. However, it would be better for them if you both soon found someone to love. Then, they would see you are not so angry any longer.
20. Be optimistic. You tried to make your marriage work, but it simply did not. The little ones will always ask you to get back together. Maybe you talk about it, but you should not argue. Use their request, but not for accusing your partner of being the one who caused all the pain the child is going through. If you do this, you have not yet figured out how they are feeling now and what they need in order to feel comfortable.
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