Alternating Residence Beside the Mother

We interviewed Viviane, who works with the media, to know her views on alternating residence.

Vivian’s Testimony

I imposed an alternating care for 1 year and a half. I am 34 years old and I have always lived in Paris. I married in 1993, I had my daughter in January 1997. We parted with her father when she was a few months old and our divorce was finalized in 2000.

Our experience with joint custody was imposed by the judge in conciliation. Indeed, each of us asked to be her guardian and the president has preferred not to rule on the residence of P (our daughter) on behalf of one or the other from the start of the procedure. She wanted to further investigate the case and clarify his views in a complex case from the outside.

We rented an apartment and had a nanny at home since the birth of P, the judge decided that P would remain in the apartment full time with the nanny during the day, her father cares during the odd weeks and I, the even weeks.

We had to share the cost of the nanny, the rent, etc...

There was no connection between her father and me as we alternated custody on Monday nights.

This worked for 1 1 / 2 years, up to a judge's decision on our divorce.  The separation was difficult for my daughter because she was very young
By being sincere, this solution worked well.

At first, the situation was resolved as clockwork. She quickly picked up the steady and consistent pace with this solution. It is true - she has the chance of having a remarkably constant presence of women (the nanny). Of course, she is not her mother, but her role is crucial. That said, I do not really know how the effects of repeated separations work. What I know is that today the child is very balanced, serene and does not feel abandoned by one or the other.

For me (I will not speak for her father!), the situation was difficult because I was separated from my daughter, but the weeks "without" allowed me to step back, emotionally and humanly "cashing" the throes of divorce "warrior".

This solution has also probably helped much because I think none of us felt the gross injustice of the arbitrary custody decided by a judge who did not yet know the facts.

Nevertheless, this solution was stopped and P came to live with me, but always sees much of her father.

Without the judge's decision, I never would have decided on an alternating custody, assuming that a child should stay with the mother if possible, especially if they are young. That said, seeing the result today after not taking any divorce legal advice, I must admit that it has been quite beneficial for now.

We really watch ourselves about "arguing", we know that we can risk losing our deep application.

Today, we do not continue this system of care because I think that P has grown a lot and her first 7 years must be mostly with me. We also still have some catching up to do in the mother / daughter department.

It is impossible to decide once and for all what a child’s life should be like. We parents must constantly observe, listen, question and try to be as close as possible to the real needs of our children. And who knows if it's hard as this is not like a DIY divorce - you cannot decide everything on your own!