Violence Within a Couple

As we said before, it was a head, Marie-France Hirigoyen. But, it was also a heart. This alliance of the two led this woman - doctor of medicine, psychiatrist, and family psychotherapist - to pay close attention to bullying and her newest book, the springs of violence in couples.

Her goal? Women understanding what they have, so that they manage to keep it. For as she explains it well: "The worst violence is not the most visible one and it must be understood in order for action to be taken."

Violence: gradual and insidious

Marie-France Hirigoyen said: "This situation is gradually becoming very insidious and more and more couples state that domestic violence is on top of the divorce grounds list. What makes tracking so complex is that there is initially something positive, a form of seduction. Violence is never there from the outset, obviously. "One little hurtful word, an inappropriate gesture, an attitude designed to make the other humble. Among the many cited in the book one example I was particularly struck by was a man who regularly asked for money from his wife, but he always threw the ticket on the ground, forcing her to bend down to pick it. Such behavior, detached and silent, should turn up the alarm siren.

According to the author,  most of the time the victim tries to excuse her "man": he had a difficult childhood or he has trouble at work ... Women then make the huge mistake of saying: "My love will change this!" It never works, love does not fix it The message to convey is simple: "When we love, we must respect. An insult or a sign of too much from someone you love is unacceptable and it should not be accepted. "

But then, why don’t women react faster and more vigorously? The answer is painful to hear: "Because they fear being disliked or even abandoned." You wonder where the results of active feminists’ actions are.

In acceptance, passivity, submission, isolation, the unsaid, the downward spiral begins. If the woman (since women are victims in 95% of cases) says nothing, if she does not denounce the man, there is no reason for him to stop and she cannot draw the divorce law on her side. This silence can even be a form of encouragement to go further.

Marie-France Hirigoyen’s goal is to inform all potential victims that they can say NO. According to the specialist, the woman must take a stand from the very beginning of a relationship.

The impact of education

"Women magazines sometimes add their own with titles like" How to control your man."

"We must be good housewives, we must be patient with children, we must be sexually inventive... as if the balance of the household depended solely on the woman," says Marie-France Hirigoyen, visibly irritated. What should I do for it not to start? That is the kind of thinking we still hear in separations. The therapist is confident that the men themselves do not pose such a question. And concludes that "the position of women has changed enormously, but the mentality and men and women have not changed that much."

And the children? The author and her book specifically address this question, with supporting examples. Domestic violence should not be tolerated under any circumstances, especially not on the behalf of the children’s well-being, who may also become violent in their own relationships. This last possibility applies especially to boys. Girls exposed to this most often becoming victims.