The children are also an injured party in a situation of family stress exhibiting behavioral problems and depression. A dysfunctional home can result in repeated aggressive behavior in their future intimate relationships. Therefore, the sooner you find a solution, the better for everyone: either it is separation or external help channel the good intentions of the relationship.
The situations threatening the continuity of the family are many and varied. They can include: extra-marital sex, uneven housework loads, overworking, and a complicated economic situation. These problems become sources of conflict, depending on the degree of permissiveness from the partners. Many couples fall in disqualification, in attack, in silence or indifference quickly, and so generate a vicious cycle of rancor which responds to negative responses because it involves the least effort. It can be best summed as a 'quid pro quo' in the negative.
Only dialogue can save a damaged relationship. But when the channels of communication are closed, outside help is needed to open them and train various problem-solving skills between the partners involved. And, this is where couples therapy comes in. The psychologist (or personal trainer) analyzes the daily conflicts that have led to a breakdown in the relationship in detail, how they appear and why they are maintained.
In order to see more about how couples therapy, we came into contact with Psygan Psychologists, a firm of licensed psychologists and therapists with experience in the field of psychology and cognitive behavior therapy. Strategies are tailored to each case individually. Mary James and Anna Ruiz Artkin answered our questions.
"Conflicts can be either an opportunity for change and or for one for development," said Terra. What are the most common problems for couples who come to consultation sessions?
Psygan Psychologists: When a couple decides to seek help, the problems that motivate them to do so can be quite varied. The lack of communication, excessive and endless discussions with no hint of resolution, relationship problems, either domestic or sexual, threats upon the daily routine, lack of acceptance of the person next to them or the desire for freedom which awaited would be some of them.
T. Currently, more marriages broke (or couples) over the last few years. Is it that we are not psychologically prepared to deal with the conflicts inherent in living together?
PP: It is true that in recent years the number of separations and crises within the family has increased. It is an important area within the field of psychology and hard work is required. Indeed, conflicts are inherent in living together. Whenever there is a conflict of interest, there is conflict. To the extent that we are different from each other, in terms of preferences or predilections, it is inevitable that problems appear every day. The important thing is to learn techniques and strategies used to minimize these differences. Really, well covered conflicts may provide an opportunity for change and development, both individually and as a couple.
T. Is the company providential in determining the marital problems or is it more a question of incompatibility?
PP: The couple is made up of two characters, temperaments and personalities. Therefore, the individual factor plays a major role in the equation. But we cannot forget that we live in a society, which can give shape to that partner. Social factors such as lack of support in reconciling work and family life, poor working conditions, endless days, added all the time of uncertainty we are living today can contribute to increasing problems in couples.
T. Then, our consumerist desire, work, or the 'burden of children' are factors which contribute to increasing the barriers of communication between partners. Why? "Are we becoming more selfish in our relationships?
PP: Social factors influence the couples, because the human being lives in isolation, but in groups. Social ties are established and cannot be abstracted from the surrounding environment and its characteristics. People need to communicate and determine the ways they can build their relationships.
T. And sex, what about sex? Many hide behind "there is no passion left" to end a relationship. Does it play an important role in the family? Is it an element of unity or discord?
PP: Sex is part of our relationships. It is an element as important as love, respect, communication, mutual support, etc. Do not neglect privacy. Speak with sincerity of what you like and dislike, try to find time for love in the daily routine, make small gestures and expressions of affection, do not save them for later because they are essential if you want to have a healthy intimate relationship.
T. Is there such a small step between love and hate?
PP Stories that begin with "love" usually need affection to end the conflict. Loving and hating is a way by which progress is being made and which can be felt when on is indifferent towards the other and when there is frustration about not achieving the expected expectations, when there is disappointment, etc.
T. When should a couple go to seek help from a psychologist?
PP: When there are problems with the partner and the relationship begins to deteriorate. In these cases, the spouses have no alternatives to solve their conflicts, the two (or one) may be tired of trying to find solutions that do not work and it may be time to go to a professional who can show them an objectivity that they are not capable of achieving, being involved in the process. The important thing is to go to a professional when the conflict is detected so that you get a better prognosis and evolution and not end up looking for separation divorce advice instead.
T. What are the steps that the psychologist follows in couples therapy? How does it work?
PP The sessions are usually developed with individual interviews and joint interviews. We proceed to make an assessment of the situation in order to explore all the factors that may be alimenting the problem and then use the strategies that are considered appropriate to achieve the objectives.
T. Has the number of couples who request these services increased? If so, why is that?
PP: It is so. The number has increased in recent years. Among the factors that influence this may be the fact that progress has been made when the couple admitted that something happened to the couple. Psychologists have also changed and today there is growing confidence in the professional work of psychology.
T. Who is more inclined to take up therapy, males or females?
PP: When the step to start couples therapy is taken, it is often taken by women. But once you start the process, men and women are involved at the same extent.
T. What if one of the two members decides not to collaborate?
PP: Couples therapy is a therapy for two. There can only be couples therapy provided that both have interest taking it up. Everyone must take responsibility for the change. The couple must interact. They cannot just wait for couples therapy to change everything. If one of the two members does not cooperate, the process is very difficult.
T. Is couples therapy effective?
PP: Couples therapy is based on a cognitive-behavioral approach. It is classed as a therapy with proven evidence of effectiveness. The data suggest that most couples who attend therapy report an improvement in marital satisfaction.
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