Living in a Blended Family: The Great Inconvenience

Living in a blended family causes great inconvenience. We must reconcile the habits and values. But with time, patience, and lots of communication, we can replace old rituals with new ones.

The step family ensures that the children are living with a new sibling, or at least, that they frequently move between two family nuclei. Before the reorganization, the children of both families are happy together. But once under the same roof, the reports can spoil everything. How could it be otherwise! Cohabitation is threatening the child’s position. While a child was the eldest in their original family, they can be the second or even third overnight.

Also, the territory should be developed so that it gives everyone their space. Will the child share the room with another child? The new partners must address these organizational changes in order to better negotiate. We must add that the different values implanted in each family to that.  No one can be completely fulfilled, but compromises may be satisfactory for all, if their needs are met.

Clash of cultures

The spouses have to come to an agreement so that there is harmony between these two worlds. For example, it would be unwise to impose a new type of food on children. This applies even when a parent establishes clear rules for their children and if their new spouse establishes more flexible ones or if these rules are almost non-existent. This situation gives rise to feelings of unfairness and jealousy among the children.

The parent’s role and responsibilities

The parent who has visitation rights after the divorce which occurred given all the divorce grounds in a blended family is often the one who asks their children to conform to rules of discipline and who has problems. However, being too permissive with your own children could also cause problems in the new family.

Regardless of the type of care and time they have to maintain their relationship with their child, a parent must continue to fulfill their responsibilities and play their role. Even if this resumes to giving the child a fixed feeding schedule, to providing sufficient time to sleep, so that this role is not played by the new spouse.

The former part in the new family

A win-win agreement can be established between all members of the family that revolve around the children without advocating a very close relationship between ex-spouses because children make room for everyone.

A parent often fears losing their children’s love when their ex-spouse reforms a couple. They feel stripped of their role as someone else will live with them daily. Yet, it is part of the new family, even if not in the immediate setting. The non-custodial parent, indeed, keeps all their rights and obligations, according to divorce law. They exercise their parental authority and continue to assume a parenting role within the agreement or the divorce decree. They must however respect the boundaries related to the privacy of the couple.

If both former spouses are involved in a reconstructed couple, there must be respect for the two nuclear families in order to enable children to move between the two systems without feeling guilty.

Step Families Daily

Living in a blended family is challenging and requires a major effort to adapt. What principles are adopted in this new family lifestyle where everyone must find their place to thrive? What are the keys to a successful stepfamily?

What behaviors are adopted?

- You and your children:

All psychologists will tell you a blended family will never be a "blood family" as each member comes up with their history, experiences, and emotions.  They are forced to deal with the experiences of others. All this takes time and a big effort to adapt.
- Be patient, do not get burned completely, everyone will eventually find their place;
- Communicate within your home. Everything will be settled if you communicate and understand the expectations and needs of each
   member of the family;
- Do not be demoralized by the conflict, although they say you are needed to advance, hold only
   positive effects;
- Learn how to negotiate, know how to make compromises;
- As a mother and wife, you are at the heart of the construction process, you have a crucial role to play;
- Introduce your dog to your children and help them find their place;
- Prepare the children for this change without rushing them;
- Your kids will become aggressive, but it's a normal reaction. They see this man as an intruder, they have
  quite a job of "mourning" of the past to do;
- Be firm with your children when it comes to your choice;
- Do not give them the opportunity to challenge you;
- Do not try to obtain their approval at all costs;
- Do not feel guilty, children take advantage of this situation to destabilize you;
- A blended family is built on the ruins of a broken family and someone reunites the meaning of marriage and divorce. This past life has left its mark and it also marked your children;
- Do not try to deny it;
- Establish a fair and healthy relationship with the absent father. Your children will feel secure and will be 
  much more willing to accept the presence of a step-parent.

- Your torque:

   Even if you're attacked by multiple daily tasks, taking care to spare some moments of intimacy  is essential
   to the duration of your relationship.

- Your companion

   As a newcomer, the step-parent must accept the rules and comply with the practices that exist in the
   family. Listen to the children talk, councilor. Do not try to be the head of the household and the one who
   decides everything right away. Do not try to replace the absent parent in terms of authority and affection as
   rejection would be immediate.

   If you can build respect in your family, adults and children, if everyone has consideration for the other, then
   the success of the building is insured. You will live in a stepfamily full of harmony and solidarity.

   If you happen to have difficulties, know that you can count on the support of associations and
   organizations, the role of which is to listen and to help families. You can also find a lot of online divorce help and help on related problems.


Is harmony in the couple realistic?

Life as a couple has become the basis of a blended family, but it is fraught with pitfalls. Each member comes to confront the other, bringing up their past experiences and values. Under these circumstances, is it realistic to hope for harmony in a new couple?

It is important to understand that despite all the precautions taken, the impact of cohabitation is inevitable. Simply put forward ways to:

- communicate more and better;
- allow everyone to express their needs;
- consider the words of the smallest;
- successfully negotiate the new boundaries and agreements to the satisfaction of all;
- be prepared to revise them as needed.

Before embarking on the path of a stepfamily, spouses should know that this choice of life has its challenges, some of which are unavoidable. Yet, happiness in a blended family  is possible, with a little skill and a good dose of maturity.

The new couple dream of harmony

The children stand at the heart of the proposed blended family. Also, the members of a couple hope that bonds of affection develop between them.

Would it be fair to say that they do not live just the same love story as a parent?

For children, the stepfamily brings a dilemma: are they allowed to love the new partner or the new partner with whom they must now live without being disloyal to either of their two parents?

Including the children

This conflict of loyalty cannot be solved by supporting the adults around them. Helping to resolve this impasse is one of the crucial responsibilities accruing to both parents. Sometimes, in order to monopolize the children’s love, some resist the temptation of evil blackmail and this at a time when children are most vulnerable. The children’s hearts are yet big enough to make room for all.

While new partners are working to complete this family project with enthusiasm, the children, they have many other concerns. They have not chosen or decided not to reconstitute a family. Therefore, they need to know:

-  what part of love they receive now that their parent loves someone else;
-  if that bring any changes in their daily lives;
-  what they lose;
-  what they gain.

Preserve your relationship

Children’s needs and concerns, however, should not take precedence over the couple. Indeed, lovers often have little time between preparing meals, supervising homework, baths and extracurricular courses.

The harmony within the new family would not be complete without harmony in the couple. To succeed, we must hang on to moments of intimacy. Why not ask the older to take care of the younger? The solution has the advantage of allowing the couple to find these moments while promoting understanding between children.