In the former case, it is less likely that an (older) child reacts with jealousy. They have loyalty conflicts and may try to sabotage the new relationship. As for smaller children, the risk that they develop ties to a new partner very quickly crashes a whole range of short-term conditions of the relationship. You should not confront them with each new friend immediately. Mowatt (1987) also made a few statements with respect to short-term sexual relationships. "Children aged four and below usually accept everything as natural, what their parents may do for children of school age. However, parents with strict moral principles may be surprised by the extent of their knowledge and may have false information about sex". You should think about your role model, but also about the sexual education of your children, this being part of the divorce advice for men and women available to all those facing this problem.
In a longer term relationship, you should address your children’s fear of losing contact with the other parent. Reassure them that they are allowed to visit the other parent as often as before. Tell them that the new partner will have no education functions, at least for now. Also, remember that children often feel threatened by the new partner. Your children need a lot of understanding and a lot of time in this situation, although you usually want to be together with your new partner right now, which is natural.
How can I help my kids with their problems?
Often you are only aware of your children’s problems in this stage. You may have been so preoccupied with yourselves and with adapting to the separation that you ignored or overlooked the psychological conflicts and behavior problems of your children.
In general, you should see the symptoms presented by your children as adaptive responses. The child’s behavior is a response to four stress factors:
(a) dysfunctional family relationships before the divorce,
(b) dysfunctional family relationships after the divorce;
(c) the child’s psychopathology before the divorce; and
(d) their individual reaction to the divorce.
The symptoms are just like a cry for help, expressing the children’s sorrow and anger.
If there are serious problems, you can opt for child guidance or child and adolescent psychotherapist attention. The consultant recurs to treating the child with all the usual forms of counseling and therapeutic approaches in use. They might play in therapy, for example, if the child in question is very young. They will often include measures to improve the parent-child relationship and your parenting. An older child can be treated individually, in a group and / or together with their parents. The latter case often has a particularly strong therapeutic effect especially if the young person's feelings and their psychic conflicts can be expressed and discussed properly.
Regardless of whether your child has developed behavioral problems and mental disorders or not, an advisor should help them in adapting to the situation. For example, they can help them to accept the finality of their parents’ divorce. They prove that any reconciliation fantasies, which can persist for years after the divorce and even after the remarriage of a parent, are unrealistic and that they should abandon their hopes (such as a friendly interaction between their parents) for reconciliation.
Sometimes, the consultant seeing an older child or a young person may also reach the conclusion that most of their problems would disappear if they could live with the other parent. They clarify the motives behind this desire (such as the desire to undo the reduced contact with the noncustodial parent).Occasionally, however, the consultant may also suggest that the parents approve the child’s request for a trial period. They can even determine if their expectations can be met or not.
If the causes of your child's psychic conflicts and behavior problems that they are suffering are still embroiled in disputes with your ex-partner or your child acts as if they had false major problems, the consultant may also only work with you. The consultant helps you to solve your problems, teaches you the finality of the divorce and improves your parenting, providing all the divorce advice for women and men you need. This way, they can indirectly help your children more. They also invite your divorced partner to the meetings or call them to talk to them about the child’s difficulties. Generally, it is best if both parents cooperate with regard to the child’s education and when it comes to dealing with their behavioral problems.
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