Children and Divorce

Parents who are divorcing are often concerned about the effect the divorce on their children. Under these circumstances, parents are primarily concerned with their own problems, but they also should be aware that both parents are the most important persons their children's lives.

Parents can be devastated or relieved by the divorce, but children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to personal safety.  It is very important to think about divorce and children at the same time.

Some parents feel so hurt and overwhelmed by the divorce that they cannot help and provide comfort for their children. Usually, children cannot understand the divorce and parents should explain what is happening; how it affects them; and what their fate will be once the divorce is completed. However, getting into details about divorce law is not necessary since the proceedings are too complicate for the little ones to understand.

Children may believe they are the cause of the conflicts between their parents. Many children think they are responsible for the separation and often sacrifice themselves in the process. The traumatic loss of one or both parents due to the divorce may make them vulnerable to physical and mental illness.

Parents should be aware of the signs of persistent stress which may appear with their children. These signs may include lack of interest in school, friends or even entertainment. Other signs include: sleeping too little; sleeping too much; being rebellious; and being argumentative with the family.

Children must know that their mom and dad will remain their parents even if the marriage ends and their parents do not live together anymore. The protracted dispute over the custody of the children or pressuring the children can be very harmful to them and may increase the damage that divorce causes them.

The continuation of the parental obligation for the welfare of children is vital. If the child presents signs of stress, the parents should consult their family doctor or pediatrician for a referral to a child and an adolescent psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist will evaluate and provide treatment for the child to alleviate the causes of stress. In addition, the psychiatrist may advise the parents on how to minimize the problems caused by a divorce in the family.