The meltdown: you were abandoned and you no longer know. You do everything you can to convince the partner: you buy them gifts, you make vows of love and you say prayers and beg them. Stop!
The ex will only feel more pressure and nothing else but pity. They will also see you less attractive and confident, which are two of the prerequisites to be interesting for someone of the opposite sex.
Gain knowledge of the situation and accept it
Your ex-partner fell in love with you and learned to love you because you were the person you were before. You might work on different strategies which should bring your partner back, but you cannot be sure of them.
However: There is no guarantee for love! Everyone is different, so you cannot use something like this as a strategy.
You may ask insistently what these aids are.
One's life now takes precedence. Take time before you speak. Shout out loud what you feel. Write a hate letter, but do not send it and do not do one thing: hurt yourself or others!
If you cannot tell what state you are in and what you should do, you should go see a psychologist or if this does not help, go see a priest.
Keep your nerve. Take the time to process everything you do and everything you should say.
Some points on your behavior checklist:
- Do not follow your ex-partner and break the first contact completely
- If you definitely know that your ex-partner expects responses from you, don’t do it
- Keep your dignity and control yourself
- Do not listen to the advice you get from your family and friends without questioning it
- Do not stalk the other and control your nerves because it is all for your good
- Do not temp your partner, but convince them
- Do not rely on chance or fate
- Do not respond to offers of friendship!
- Do not act without having concrete ideas
- Show sympathy or even understanding
- Do not make any declarations of love or gifts and store all the good memories
- Do not recur to revenge, blackmail or suicide attempts!
- Do not follow the old patterns of the older relationship and have realistic views about the overall situation
- Do not call their parents or relatives under any circumstances
- Try to learn from it and grow more mature
Behavior in special cases:
Having sex with the ex
- Abandoned woman: no hope. You could be exploited. If talking does not help, break the relationship.
- Abandoned man: If there is hope, it is necessary that you talk to your ex about it!
Children at play
The child and their future have absolute priority! Agree to go to a professional such as a marriage counselor or psychologist, in order for the separation not to cause any problems to the child as it is difficult enough already.
Common existence
You should be friends and live together if possible. Then, make clear conduct, even if it is difficult to do so. Take the holidays and even share the apartment if necessary.
May it go on?
You have to let go and take all this time to find yourself again. All these measures are now meant to serve a single purpose: a neutral level must be restored between two parties that broke up. You need to find the causes of the breakup and work hard to make them disappear. In other words, you have to put your relationship first if you want to make things work.
When can a relationship be saved?
- If the ex was desperately insecure and sad even before you broke up or suggested a breakup
- If there is a minimum feeling left Remember, doubts also count!
- If you are 1000% convinced that you can bring something new
- If there is separation by external factors such as stress and loss
- If the ex clearly conveys the message that they want to try again
- If they are definitely into saving the relationship
- If a separation was negotiated at the time
Things might work if….
- You have once again found yourself
- They analyzed the relationship honestly: what was good, what was bad. If you still see an opportunity to
go on and be together
- You really feel something for them
- You are ready to be open with your partner further on
- You can forgive your partner for the harm they have done
It has absolutely no meaning if...
- There is violence, abuse and other destructive acts
- They are so hurt that hatred prevails
- One of them already has a new partner and is newly in love. If things are like this, you can be as insistent
as you want in most cases, no matter how attractive and nice you are.
- The ex-partner has already ended the relationship with you
But the reality is always a bit different. Do not cling too much to these hypotheses. They are intended only as a guide!
There is always a way!
There is always a way, no matter the outcome. Changes are now absolutely necessary. Take something off!
You need to have really new perspectives in your life. New hobbies, a new profession, new philosophies, new religions and so on can really make a difference. You should go for anything that helps you to start a new life!
At some point, you become so strong that you really think about the relationship in a constructive way. If it works for you, things may look very different. Do not let yourself hanging and do something! You want and need to change something in your life. Only if you have worked after the separation itself and grown stronger can you think of a reboot even if the option was not previously denied. Lawyers recommend this, but you need to open up at a totally different level and see how the new relationship develops because things work at a totally different level. And always remember that you must find your own way!
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