Of course, if one really loves, then even a separation represents a chance. At least, this is what some say. Why would you go for a fresh start with the ex-partner and what could you get from it?
Endure the heartache and find yourself again
Separation brings pain. There is the feeling of being alone, and of never being happy again. You see no point in anything. This is an emotional state that leads one to glorifying the past relationship and the ex-partner at any price.
This situation gives you time to look within yourself, to stay alone. On the other hand, it also gives you the opportunity to reflect, and to be clear about the things. A negative perspective may have developed and time away would help get over it or solve the problems. It is now high time you admitted your own weaknesses, but it is also time you saw what your partner’s weaknesses are. Why did you use to fight? Why was it not possible to resolve your conflicts constructively?
A new beginning will be well covered. Basically, you just go back, looking for a happy ending. Why is waiting the golden rule for all situations in which separation occurs? It may be difficult to wait, but this distance in time only has advantages. In order to find out what your partner really feels, it is necessary for you to contact the ex-partner, but you should wait for a few weeks or even months if possible. The acute pain caused by separation can be overcome. You can make an honest decision about whether you really want to win your partner back or not, but you have to be patient and to assess the situation properly.
What's wrong with a fresh start with the ex-partner?
- Different ways of life cannot usually lead to happiness. When one has to give up on their dreams in order
to save the relationship, there is not a good common ground and thus, there are divorce grounds;
- Things will not work if you only get back together because of the circumstances: you have children
together, shared ownership, joint work and so on;
- If you cannot cope with the loneliness, you fear having to find another partner or having to stay alone,
reconciliation only provides a short-term relief at best, but not a long-term solution;
- Each relationship revival is doomed to failure if you start with the idea of changing the other. If you are not
ready to take the ex-partner as they are, you should not get together again;
- It will be difficult to start fresh if one of the ex-partners behaved badly (they committed a felony) and you
cannot really forgive them. Once disappointed, trust is not easy to restore, but you should be prepared to
let bygones be bygones; and .
- If there are any addiction problems, you should first ask for therapeutic help before starting to take any
action.
Under what circumstances can a new deal with the ex-partner work?
Sometimes, a separation can be an opportunity to recognize the true value of a relationship, to make clear that what we sought was already in our hands. The failure of a relationship is always to be attributed to two persons. This means that both sides must be willing to work in order for a new relationship to succeed. The following questions may help to clarify your own share:
- What did you learn about yourself in the process of separation or divorce?
- What did you love about your partner?
- How do you want to make sure that the relationship really succeeds? What are the concrete ways to
reach this goal? For example, there are times when you need to improve your communication. Also, you
can plan a week of activities together, so that you have more things in common.
- Are you really ready to open yourself again and to trust the other?
- What do you do when the next relationship crisis comes?
- How can you actively work towards a common future?
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