Sex

There is a crucial area in which the divorce from "it" is not the same as the divorce from "he." This area is that of sexuality!

A man feels that divorce usually grows wings because it is inadequate and therefore they are free to court "all" women on the planet. This fits his fantasy, which allows him to avoid going down.

Things are quite opposite with women: their femininity, their beauty, their power to be desirable and to generate love are suddenly challenged.
Doubt sets in, a feeling of guilt falls on her and catches her by the sleeve: "What kind of woman am I? In short, she feels rejected by the others, as well as by herself. She is no longer self-confident. She finds herself deconstructed or destroyed at once, just like "bulk." A feeling of absolute insecurity is the direct consequence.

To overcome this evil being, do not hesitate to ask for help with a physician, psychiatrist, sexologist, psychologist or psychotherapist. But how to heal through words?

What does the psychoanalyst do? What is the psychoanalyst’s role?

The psychoanalyst carries a work of reconstruction, which is most often a construction job because there was personality really built, as it should have or could have been. "I did not know what being a female was, what having a woman's sexual body was", says Mary. I identified myself as a woman, as a female, and that I actually didn’t miss anything, I was sexually complete. "

It is also a repair work, an exercise of the mind, which leads to a birth ... not a re-birth as it is said too often!

Diane remarked: "I thought I was born because I was physically born, I realized that it was quite another thing to be born as a woman, especially sexually."

And one can dare say, in time, "a woman is born!" This is, of course, a birth to herself and by herself.

This completed birth shows that the psychoanalyst’s work is drawing to a close. This will occur in the future to avoid the pitfalls of repetition.

There is then a woman who starts to speak otherwise of gender, sexuality. This is a woman who rediscovered sexuality. "I realized," said Charlotte, “that my enjoyment only partially resembled my new companion’s."

There was another one of my own, a joy, so specific to my body and my being female, which sometimes made my friend jealous ".

Or rather, shall we say, another sexual person, that is to say a new, previously unknown person.

Relaxation Therapy Can Help You Repair Your Image

Separation always represents a break, a removal of a part of oneself. It revives the previous failures. Consequently, some diseases may occur. The body then remembers and a part of us hurts. It is common to see someone suffer from neck pain, tendonitis, back pain after separation. Women in distress often feel stifled by moral concerns. The body is in harmony with the spirit.

The work will focus on relaxation therapy and the reversal of trends to accept being wrong, to finally accept and "to be good" regardless of the divorce grounds.

 The harmony between the body and mind will finally be there.

How does relaxation therapy work?

Following work relaxation, the consciousness is freed from everything that clutters someone's mind and can then program a positive approach to life and the future. Free from all tensions, the relaxed body makes the mind serene. It is then easy to induce a simple positive visualization of a haphazardly organized life. The overall approach to life changes gradually. The practitioner learns to recognize these moments of joy that will be repeated thanks to the source of happiness found. It is a wonderful tool to allow the people who are devalued by a lack of love to rebuild themselves as individuals and not only. Your regular desires, projects, joy and vision of your life will change rapidly. More strikingly, you will attract friendships, the eyes of others will be rewarding again. The real difficulties will not take on huge proportions and disagreements will be relative.

How is the session?

It lasts for an hour and it is divided into three parts:

- An exchange time in which the patient exhibits their work and wishes, which allows the relaxation therapist 
   to choose the direction of the meeting;
- The technical session itself; and
- The patient describes their sensations and benefits and is helped to find work at home.

The origin of relaxation therapy

Developed by the Colombian-born neuropsychologist Alfonso Caycedo, relaxation therapy works on consciousness. It also draws its origins from yoga and Zen. There is a clearly defined technical protocol adapted to particular cases, offering a structured and codified technique.

The results are very fast

You will master your emotions and learn to find the breath of life doing specific breathing exercises.

The groundwork is breathing, relaxation and mental programming.

The goal is empowerment after a divorce. You will only need a low number of sessions to continue your work. You seek moments of relaxation, time to practice your relaxation therapy and rapid progress in work in your daily life. The average is between six and fifteen sessions, but you stop when the relaxation therapist allows you to and when you think you have the means to continue feeling good and to see life as it is: full of relaxing moments.

Reconstruction: A Few Tips That Have Proven Useful

The break is when you approach a new phase of your life, but you do not mean a new wife!, Here are some useful recipes to help you get back on your feet and more!

1 - Externalize your emotions:

Our emotions are the vectors of our energies, as we keep them within ourselves. We are pumping them for energy, so it is better to express and channel them constructively! You're a kind of volcano, your anger builds up and explodes unexpectedly, so try exercising such as:  boxing, tennis, karate, jogging, rocking or walking! If you are nervous, stressed, anxious, choose yoga, relaxation therapy, the soft gym, aqua aerobics, cycling and breathe in order to remove your fears! If you're tired, powerless, choose walking, refreshing massages, laughter clubs!

2 - Share with others:

In these difficult times, it is important not to be alone with your suffering. Join a group of words, divorced women, share with others, get away from your solitude - a key to your aid and reconstruction.

3 - Choose your friends and relations:

Ability to identify people who wish you well and with whom you are really good friends is crucial in a period of fragility. Avoid guilt-girlfriends or mothers under the guise of open your eyes and choose those who prefer to listen to you, support you and you will get a good image of yourself again!

4 - Have fun:

If you've always dreamed of going skydiving, of writing, of making songs or painting: invest time in a new activity that attracts you and that makes you happy. This will revitalize you and give you oxygen in your life.

5 - Focus on the present moment:

Do not project yourself too far into the future because it is useless. You might miss the present moment and envision a lot of things that will never come true. Learning to enjoy the small pleasures of everyday life is a source of healing and reconstruction.

6 – Think positive:

Make a conscious choice and choose not to be infected with negative thoughts because these dark thoughts will get you tired and will demoralize you. Instead, try to visualize what is beautiful, what is good in your life and return to it whenever necessary. This attitude is a struggle, but you should be able to win!

7 - Take yourself in hand!

Your self-image has been shattered! To regain your confidence and your ability to attract others, change something about your look: hair, clothing, style, and create a new image!

Be patient with yourself. It is the little streams that make big rivers... .

Alternating Residence Beside the Mother

We interviewed Viviane, who works with the media, to know her views on alternating residence.

Vivian’s Testimony

I imposed an alternating care for 1 year and a half. I am 34 years old and I have always lived in Paris. I married in 1993, I had my daughter in January 1997. We parted with her father when she was a few months old and our divorce was finalized in 2000.

Our experience with joint custody was imposed by the judge in conciliation. Indeed, each of us asked to be her guardian and the president has preferred not to rule on the residence of P (our daughter) on behalf of one or the other from the start of the procedure. She wanted to further investigate the case and clarify his views in a complex case from the outside.

We rented an apartment and had a nanny at home since the birth of P, the judge decided that P would remain in the apartment full time with the nanny during the day, her father cares during the odd weeks and I, the even weeks.

We had to share the cost of the nanny, the rent, etc...

There was no connection between her father and me as we alternated custody on Monday nights.

This worked for 1 1 / 2 years, up to a judge's decision on our divorce.  The separation was difficult for my daughter because she was very young
By being sincere, this solution worked well.

At first, the situation was resolved as clockwork. She quickly picked up the steady and consistent pace with this solution. It is true - she has the chance of having a remarkably constant presence of women (the nanny). Of course, she is not her mother, but her role is crucial. That said, I do not really know how the effects of repeated separations work. What I know is that today the child is very balanced, serene and does not feel abandoned by one or the other.

For me (I will not speak for her father!), the situation was difficult because I was separated from my daughter, but the weeks "without" allowed me to step back, emotionally and humanly "cashing" the throes of divorce "warrior".

This solution has also probably helped much because I think none of us felt the gross injustice of the arbitrary custody decided by a judge who did not yet know the facts.

Nevertheless, this solution was stopped and P came to live with me, but always sees much of her father.

Without the judge's decision, I never would have decided on an alternating custody, assuming that a child should stay with the mother if possible, especially if they are young. That said, seeing the result today after not taking any divorce legal advice, I must admit that it has been quite beneficial for now.

We really watch ourselves about "arguing", we know that we can risk losing our deep application.

Today, we do not continue this system of care because I think that P has grown a lot and her first 7 years must be mostly with me. We also still have some catching up to do in the mother / daughter department.

It is impossible to decide once and for all what a child’s life should be like. We parents must constantly observe, listen, question and try to be as close as possible to the real needs of our children. And who knows if it's hard as this is not like a DIY divorce - you cannot decide everything on your own!

Alternating Residence Beside the Father

We interviewed Felix, 36, a businessman and Philip's father, aged 6, to hear his views on alternating residence.

Testimony of Felix, divorced, 36 years old, Phillip's father. Philip is 6 years old.

You have been practicing alternate residence for five years and it is precisely because the current divorce law is changing. As a precursor, why and how did you choose this type of care?

In 1996, when we divorced, it was not legally possible to have a dual residency for the child.

The judge gave custody to my wife, but she frequently needed to move for professional reasons. Naturally, we turned to this type of solution, without going before the judge for family affairs.

What advice would you give parents who are considering this type of solution?

In my opinion, there must be dialogue between parents, a common vision of education (school choice, religion etc ...), and obviously a geographical proximity. But there is a mistake not to commit: Everyone should stay home - I'm never going to dinner or a drink with my ex. Initially, we tried to celebrate Phillip’s birthday together: he has completely destabilized. When the moment of separation came, he no longer knew whom he was to go with and did not want to leave one of the two. It was very sad and I told him he had to sleep with his mom that night since we alternate Christmas every other year and we celebrate two anniversaries.

Is there a risk for children and one for you? 

In my opinion, there is no risk when it comes to divorce and children, but it requires both parents to better deal with it.

What do you think are the advantages of alternating care for you, your ex-wife and your children? 

I think that it provides stability for the child and it prevents parents from becoming gift fathers or mothers.

Nothing changes for the fathers who cared for their children before the divorce.

But for others, there is a clear drift to become a gift dad this time of a weekend and males have a great ability to pull away from children.

Each parent can participate in the daily life of the child and can fully engage in a week.

We are best able to manage any disease, for we know that we can breathe the next week.

What do you think are the disadvantages of shared custody, for you and your ex-wife and children?

The first drawback: it is forbidden to move and it all stays in the same area.

Imagine recomposed two couples, while four were married, making a simple calculation that ultimately involves 16 adults, let alone children.

Second drawback: There are two of everything.

How did your child react when he found himself facing two houses? 

Well, he separates the two completely.

When Phil arrived home, I always told him how long it will last so he could find out. I counted on his fingers so that he would understand it better and not be too unhappy.

Do you think we should generalize this type of care? 

We can generalize this custody method because there is no reason why women should take full responsibility after the divorce.